Two years ago, this month, we were in the midst of a medication cycle to prepare my body for our second and final frozen embryo transfer. That period in time was filled with anxiety and hope. I can’t imagine what I would have done or how I would have felt if my doctors had called to tell me I couldn’t finish my cycle, we would have to delay the embryo transfer and they weren’t sure how long it would be before I could start another medication cycle again.
I can’t imagine what it feels like to have to delay your deepest desires to build your family. Six years ago, we were longing for a child, longing for a successful pregnancy – to hear that heartbeat during the ultrasounds. Months later, we would suffer a terrible miscarriage that would jump-start our IVF journey. Five years ago, we were in the midst of my second trimester, monitoring my blood pressure and taking things day by day. Our tragic loss six years ago opened the door for us and I pray this delay will open doors for you that wouldn’t have otherwise.
Out of Your Control
We have no control of our reproductive systems – there are times when it seems that a particular body system has a mind of its own. For some of us, controlling it with medication and assisted reproductive technologies to help us achieve our dreams of parenthood are necessary. Then, a pandemic is thrown into the mix and it is all truly, completely out of our control. Out of our doctors’ and nurses’ control. Just OUT OF CONTROL. #OOC
To the women struggling with the reality of having to suddenly stop preparing their bodies and minds for an upcoming treatment cycle…hugs to you. To the partners who were right there every night, giving shots, and are now hiding medications and supplies so your loved one doesn’t have to see them and be reminded of what should be happening right now, thank you. To the families who were so excited about the possibility of a new baby before the end of the year, the disappointment is beyond tough.
I am sorry that this pandemic has caused additional heartbreak. You have suffered through infertility, reproductive issues, hormonal disorders, miscarriage, and maybe the struggle of trying to build a family with your same-sex partner. You have spent countless hours with nurses, doctors, ultrasound techs and phlebotomists – in consultations and examinations and being poked every few days during a cycle.
Maybe you felt cautious excitement when you ordered and received your medications and schedule from your care team. You may have been days away from the embryo transfer that could finally make you and your partner the parents you’ve dreamed of being. The dreaded 10-14 day wait to take that pregnancy test seems like nothing compared to this wait. Waiting to see when you can start it all again.
Maybe you feel that you can’t go through this again – it’s just too much. Don’t make those decisions now, in the midst of quarantine. It is not easy – there are so many emotions. Feel them all, express them all. Go through the stages of grief at your pace, feel the anger, come to accept that all of this is out of your control. Know that us mamas who have gone through those treatments and followed those schedules to the T are holding space for you, praying for you and cheering you on from afar #socialdistancing
And when this is all over with, when you go back to your fertility specialists and see them face to face, know that we will still be holding space for you, cheering you on and sending you all the love and light, praying for that successful cycle, for that embryo to stick and for you to get the outcome you so desperately have hoped and prayed for.