Summer is in full swing at my house. When I say full swing, I literally mean full swing: kids swinging on the curtains, swinging toys everywhere … Ok, they are not actually swinging on the curtains, but pretty close to it. It is this time of year that truly tests my limits. Tests my capability of going with the flow during the chaos of having all 3 kids at home together EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND. I wish my older two kids would get along so much better than they do. It is when they don’t that the mom guilt begins to settle in.
Everyone knows what I mean about this ol’ mom guilt thing. It is either guilt placed on us by other judgmental individuals who don’t want to admit their own faults, or it is guilt we place on ourselves. My mom guilt usually comes from myself. For example, the other day my older two kids were fighting. This fighting isn’t just a few words here and there. It normally escalates into swinging arms or legs. I have to intervene to make sure both kids make it out without a serious injury. These moments make me loose my mind (up in here, up in here). Sorry, I lost my mind for a second. I try to break up the fight, and neither seem to notice. Then I stoop to yelling mom level. Yes, I become the mom who yells.
It does grab their attention and stops the fight, exactly what I wanted. Is it really exactly what I wanted though, with yelling? In sets the mom guilt. Why did I have to stoop to yelling? Was it really necessary? Mom guilt is so cruel to us mothers. It makes us doubt how well we are managing motherhood and if we are even acceptable to hold on to our mother status. No bueno. I must admit that I have many of these mom guilt moments, rather it be from yelling to not cooking a healthy dinner with veggies on the side. The worst though is when you have guilt for having mom guilt.
Guilt for mom guilt
My middle child was diagnosed with having atypical absence seizures last fall 2017. On top of this, he already was diagnosed with a speech delay and some behavioral delays. We are catching up with life, and he just graduated kindergarten! It is getting control over the seizures and the behavior where the struggle is real … too real some days. We all have one of those days where everything just seems to be going wrong. I always blame the full moon when it involves my kids: it brings the crazy out. Well I had one of those days just this past week, and it was a really hard one.
My son was struggling big time with his raging fits and his staring spells were at an all time high. My oldest knows how to push his buttons and chose to push every one of them this day. His elevator went to the top and didn’t want to come back down with out a fight. He destroyed his room and whatever else came into his way. Once I got him to a calm state, I just lost it. All I could do was cry. What did I do wrong? Could have I planned the day better? Was there anyway to have removed any of the negative stimuli to prevent any of these outbursts?
As I cried, I began to look around at all I had surrounding me. I was indeed blessed. At least my son came out of those raging fits and is now playing harmlessly with his legos. At least his seizures and behavior, fingers crossed, will soon be managed with medicine. Why was I crying? So many have it much worse than I! Guilt set in for me having mom guilt in the first place. Why was I even feeling guilty for crying? I could have it so much worse. So much worse. I called my mom to tell her my guilt for mom guilt. She stopped me dead in my tracks saying:
Don’t even go there! You have every reason to feel the way you do, and that is okay!
So if you are having one of those days, just know that it is okay! It is perfectly okay having sympathy for yourself outside of mom guilt. Motherhood is not meant to be easy. We are going to have good days, crazy days, sad days, happy days, fun days and whatever else in between. It is all a part of our ‘hood!