I’m not the teacher I used to be.
This sentiment not only rings true because of Covid-19, e-Learning, homeschooling, and all that has been 2020. Teaching is my passion. I love helping people. I love learning. I love sharing the joy I find in literature with my students. I even like teaching them how to write, despite how painstakingly difficult it can be at times.
But…
Since having my own child, it has completely changed the way I exist in my classroom. I struggle with my internal anguish over taking care of others’ children all day rather than my own son. Being a mom has softened me in some ways. Yet, it has also made my patience wear thin much more quickly than before. It’s an interesting position I find myself in, finally understanding the point-of-view of the parent. Teaching and motherhood have me in a constant balancing act.
I look at my classroom full of middle schoolers and I imagine what their parents must think and feel as they learn how to navigate life with their children each day. Now that we find ourselves in a state of homeschooling until the end of the academic year, I feel so guilty. I hate that I didn’t do more with the kids while I had them, even though I know we worked so hard every single day. I hate that I was so unprepared to say bye to them. I hate how worried they felt the last time I saw them. I hate that I sent them home that last day of school and that’s how their parents had to receive them…afraid & overwhelmed.
Thank you, parents.
I am so fortunate to work in a school that has some of the most amazing families, brilliant students, and a faculty that is truly a team. Thank you so much, parents, for taking on the load that I was having a hard time carrying. Despite the terrible circumstances, I needed this break. I needed to recharge my batteries. Coming back from maternity leave last August left me in such a state of emotional turmoil that I felt like a total failure. I am prepared to savor this time with my son, as I’m sure many of you are trying to do with your own children. I am trying my best to provide you with resources from home. I have done my best to plan and account for my students’ needs as I juggle them with my own child’s. I am so appreciative of the understanding my students’ parents have granted me during this time. Seriously, thank you.
Here’s to renewal.
Let’s all commit to enjoying this time, as it’s one we will surely never forget. This almost half year of homeschool is a time that will be cherished by many parents of seniors or small babies. Children of all ages will have this fond memory with their siblings and families to look back on and remember how we all came together in a time of darkness to make sure we brought the light back into our homes. I am committing myself to renew my spirit and return to the classroom in August more ready and excited than ever to share a new year with my beautiful young minds.
