Kids With Special Needs are NOT Given to Special People
I have had the pleasure of being a momma to a child with special needs for seven and a half years, my dear Connor. In these amazing seven and a half years, I have done everything possible to give my child who has multiple complex medical needs the best life imaginable. I have fought doctors on what I knew was best for him, marched the front steps at the State Capital rallying for his rights, and even traveled around the world seeking treatment to give him a better quality of life. To say I’m a “momma bear” is an complete understatement.
In all these years I have heard from family, friends, and strangers about what a great job I am doing raising my Connor man. I look down, shift my feet around, and quietly say thank you. Then the dreaded words are said. “God only gives special kids to special people.” I kindly smile on the outside, but on the inside I scream. I HATE that saying. I KNOW that these sweet people only have the most genuine thoughts behind this, but they need to know the truth-God can give anyone, YES ANYONE, a child with special needs.
I am not special. I am not more deserving of a little miracle child more than the next momma. I am not that parent that goes to all the class parties with homemade cupcakes, makes the latest Pinterest project on organizing my laundry room, or even the parent who remembers to sign the test folder every Tuesday evening. Nope, that is not me. I am ordinary and boring. I am late to doctors appointments, I yell at drivers who don’t use their blinkers, and I cringe when I see other moms at Target with their buggies full of organic foods and their well-behaved kids sweetly following behind. Agh! But I do know one thing, I am a parent. I, like millions of other women, was so graciously given a child from God. My child just so happened to be born with special needs.
The feelings you encounter when finding out the news your perfect child isn’t so perfect is astounding. One can wallow in self pity, hate God for “doing” this to their child, and just accept that life for that precious child will be less than good. OR one can seek the good in a not so pleasant situation, find a greater faith in God, and never accept anything less than perfect for their little miracle. It is all in a matter of thinking. Having a child with any special need at all takes a strong person, and if you aren’t strong at first, you must start lifting the emotional weights that life will be throwing at you. How you take on the responsibilities of this new life will ultimately determine what type of parent you will be.
We’ve all heard that saying, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” I call that BS. My God is a loving God, but a challenging one. He wants to see me thrive and grow into the person that I was meant to be. Challenges along the way are all a part of the journey He has created for me, how I deal with them is up to me. God WILL give me more than I can handle, BUT He guides me and gives me the grace to encounter them.
In the past month I have read 6 news articles on parents of children with special needs who have done horrendous, mind blowing things to them. One mother poured perfume down her child’s feeding tube, another parent killed his oh so special child because he wouldn’t stop crying, and on and on. Now please tell me again, God only gives special kids to special parents? Ummmm…no thank you. It’s a sweet thought, but it’s just not true. I would hate to even think for one second that I could be put in the same category as any of these parents. God gives us gifts in the form of our beautiful children, special or not. He expects us to take care of them, love them, and protect them.
I consider it a blessing to have my beautiful Connor. I’m thankful every single day for being able to raise such a precious miracle, BUT not every parent is like me. When you are given a child with needs that are far greater than you can imagine, you must rise to the challenge and become the parent that the child needs and whose life depends on it. It will be a tough, long road full of pot holes and dangerous curves trying to throw you off course.
The next time you see a parent with a child with special needs doing a wicked awesome job tell them exactly that. A simple, “Hey little momma, you are doing a crazy amazing job raising that precious child of yours!” or even “Wow!! I could only hope there are more parents like you out there!” or how about “You and your child are a match made in Heaven!” For most of us parents in the special needs world KNOW that our child is a blessing, however we could most definitely use a kind word telling us that perhaps we are a blessing also.
Thanks for sharing your story because it is filled with hope and encouragement. You are an awesome mom doing what any “real” parent would do which is take care of the gift that God has given. Blessings to you and your family.
Great article. Is that a picture of your son at Give Kids the World? We just got back and I was simply amazed with the place and the people.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I am not a parent of a child with special needs. I am a relative of a grown person now deceased who was a special needs child. Thank you for expressing so honestly the feelings of a parent of a special needs person. I always admired my grandparents for the loving care they provided for my aunt. They had absolutely no education of any sort. They were sharecroppers. However, they raised my special needs aunt just like the rest of their 12 children. I was raised to respect her and her needs. I am so thankful for the example they set. I try to be careful about using trite words and phrases with people who are dealing with any difficult situations. Thank you for raising my awareness, once again.
Thank you for the blog. I use to feel the same way. Why am I equated to parents of special needs children that abuse their children? There are numerous articles in papers about the abuse these children have, it is all too sad and heartbreakingly. God did give us these children. Let’s face it, these parents abuse “typical” children too. Then I realized it’s all in our choices we make and to overcome the evil force that causes these parents to abuse their child. God gave us free will. I love the responses from your readers. It does get harder and then we have to turn to others to help, advocates and attorneys when our immediate family isn’t available. No one said life was easy, when we make good choices it is manageable.
Don’t be so hard on the Mom that buys all organic and has well behaved kids, I like to believe everything is relative and they are fighting some internal problem. That is the benefit of have a special needs kid, they teach us perspective in what really matters.
Thank you so much for this article! I could not agree more in so many ways. After 5 years of raising a sweet boy with special needs, I think most of what people say is “from God” or about him, including all the challenges of children with special needs, is false. However I believe he does give us the faith, grace and love to confront every challenge and be the best parent we can be and the parent they deserve. That’s a blessing to me and hopefully an example of actually how God is involved in my situation. Thank you.
This post is fabulous! It says everything I have wanted to say from the day MY Connor(we also have a Cooper & live in Louisiana) was diagnosed. I have only heard of Schizecephaly because my son was first diagnosed with Incomplete Lissencephaly, leading to MANY MANY hours of research. We have since, gotten a second opinion by a specialist who confirmed Polymicrogyria in stead as well as a genetic work up that showed a deletion on his 22 chromosome. It’s hard work raising a child with special needs, but guess what? It’s hard work raising a neurotypical child also. Let’s face it, Parenting is HARD!
Thank you for articulating what I couldn’t. …God bless you and your family.
Just want to let Baton Rouge special needs moms that there is a Bible study run by Drs. Hollman and Golden for moms with kids with special needs on Tuesday nights at 7 or Wednesday afternoons at 1 at Istrouma Baptist Church for women of all Christian faiths. We are almost finished with our Fall study but will start a new one in January. You can message me on Facebook at Louisiana Special Parents or email [email protected] for more information.
Thank you, Nancy!
Bravo. Cliches. I hate them. I say over and over that none of the ones I hear even ring true. You nailed it. This is something I wrote. Autism Speaks ran it. http://quirks-and-chaos.blogspot.com/2014/08/my-15-truths-of-parenting-special-kids.html
From Lisa. Find me at Quirks and Chaos on Facebook.
Thank you, thank you! I am also a mother of a 7 year old with special needs. We are going through a rough patch right now and I don’t believe I came upon this article “by chance.” Our God is an awesome God. We are truly blessed, potholes and all!