The “Mom Tribe.” I don’t know what a mom tribe is, but I have my guesses. I am guessing it’s a group of moms who have a lot in common and “get” each other. That would be my best guess. I don’t have a “tribe.” Everything on the Internet tells me that I need one. I just don’t think they are for me.
As far back as I can remember I have been one who just plays by herself. I have always had just a few friends, actually I’ve had more acquaintances than friends, and that has been perfect for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a GOOD friend. I try to be a good listener and be supportive. I celebrate with you and empathize when needed. Just don’t ask me to DO anything with you, though. That’s an obligation. I don’t get along with obligations.
Play dates are awkward for me. Do I play WITH the kids? Do I just socialize with the moms? What if I can’t contribute anything to the conversation? I don’t get it. It’s awkward. Just come to my house and hang out while our kids keep each other busy. That’s so much less stressful for me than meeting somewhere.
If you asked me right now how many best friends I have, I would literally tell you “Well, my sister, of course. That’s one. I have a few best friends out of state … yup that’s it.” I have good friends that I meet up with here and there for certain things. We text randomly and attend each other’s children’s birthday parties and we might not see each other for a few months.
Here is the thing: I like that. I like being alone. I like the solitude.
Being alone doesn’t bother me at all. I am able to have time for my family and maybe a few small moments to myself. Nothing wrong with that! There are a few times where I wish I could call/text someone about something that’s happened, because God knows my sister would love if I called someone else besides her, but that’s about the only time I ever feel alone.
If someone texts me or calls me and I am not able to get back to them, it bothers me. It looms over me until I am able to do it. Too much pressure there. I know how aggravating it is to not get a response. I hate to be on the other end of that. Let’s not get on the subject of group texts. So much anxiety!
I moved to Baton Rouge from a small town about 9 years ago. Here and there I have gained some great friendships, mostly with previous coworkers. Not being a native of Baton Rouge has kind of hindered my friend-making capabilities. You never TRULY feel like you fit in to groups. So I have learned to be a mom “alone.” I’m not much for “girls nights out,” so maybe it’s for the best. If I want to see a certain movie, my husband is happy to tag along. If I want to go shopping, I get to go where I want and stay as long as I want because it’s only up to me.
Sure having a tribe would be good. Swapping kid stories, husband stories, asking for advice all sounds great. But I love the way my social life is now. It’s always great catching up with everyone when we get together. If we go months without seeing each other, it makes it all the more special when we do see each other.
They say “It takes a village to raise a child.” I disagree. I don’t need a village. A few close friendships that are carefree to maintain and that allow me to be a total introvert suits me just fine.
Yes! I could’ve written this myself. Except, well, my sister and I aren’t that close either.
Sometimes I wish I had a tribe. It looks fun, I think. But I don’t have the time or energy to maintain that. I’m a happy loner.
[…] just ran a blog post from a sister site written by an author claiming to not need a “Mom Tribe.” As I read the post, it […]
Wow, just wow. This is me. My sisters are my best friends and I actually enjoy spending time with my family, especially my husband. We were together over 11 years before we had our daughter. My coworkers are the closest thing I have to a tribe, many of us have kiddos and swap clothes. And Facebook makes it easy to hole up and still feel connected. I’m also terrible at remembering to ask people how they are doing. It’s not that I don’t care, I’m just not wired that way.
You aren’t alone! I have the same situation. Sometimes I worry that I’m this way. Glad to see there are others!
I put everyone else first. For this reason, I have no tribe. I work a stressful 60+ hour week. When I get home, I spend the next 1.5 hrs making up for lost time with my 2 yo son, with feeding, playing, bathing and bedtime. By 8:00, I have one hour before my eyes can no longer stay open. My husband, bless him for all he does, usually cooks dinner every night and cleans up after. That last hour of my work day I give to him, by watching his shows, or if he’s not needing attention, I take to Social Media to feel connected. I don’t have time for friendships, much less a tribe! I already put off my own pampering, and basic health upkeep in order to give everyone else what they need from me. I would only lose any new friendship I made because I can’t commit to giving them any more of my attention. There’s nothing left in my day to give. It’s just easier to be alone.
I feel a lot better after reading this article and the comments! I see all sorts of mom and friend groups on Facebook and Instagram, and I’ve actually wondered/worried if the problem is ME. Maybe I’m not likeable, maybe I’m not a good friend. I have always been more of an introvert, and when you work full time the truth is, I really just want to be with my family in my down time. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m missing out by not being part of a group, but on the flip side…I wonder if it would be kind of exhausting!