Y’all. The most famous question for newly married couples. I find myself guilty of asking this myself then immediately putting my foot in my mouth. But only after my personal experience with a miscarriage.
I found it so interesting that a blogger I follow recently did an Instagram poll asking “is it appropriate to ask couples when they are having kids?”
Of course, young me before ever carrying a child, losing a child, and trying for more children would have totally said “YES! Of course, it’s okay to ask. What’s MORE exciting than new life?!”
But as I answered no, I was astounded at the number of people saying yes. How dare they think it is okay to ask women about their fertility journey?! Of course, if you have never gone through the struggles, you do not see what is wrong with the question. No one is to blame.
I hope that after giving more perspective, people begin to realize this question should really be taboo.
Of course, nothing is more exciting than new life coming into this world. Truly.
But now, in the age of 2022, bringing life into this world looks very different for all couples.
- 10 to 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage.
- Most couples, about 84%, will get pregnant within A YEAR of trying. A year of constant unprotected sex.
- About 12% of women in the United States have difficulty getting pregnant and staying pregnant.
- 33% of Americans have turned to fertility methods to get pregnant.
Getting pregnant is not always a magic and simple experience for couples. For many, it takes time, it takes prayer, it takes extra hormones, and even more. You never know who you are talking to when you ask the question “so when are you having kids?”
You do not know the number of children they may have already lost.
You do not know the months or years of trying behind them.
You do not know the time and money they may have put into fertility treatments.
We all know that no harm or hurt feelings are EVER intended by this question. After all, it is a genuine interest and love for bringing new life into the world that brings people to ask this. The intentions behind this question are always pure.
However, you never know what emotions this stirs up for others.
So, instead of jumping into the question about children, let’s keep it simple with: “How is married life treating you so far?”
