I absolutely LOVE Christmas time. Yes, I am one of those crazy Christmas decorators who have their decorations up before Thanksgiving (gasp … another elf apparently bites the dust). I love everything that the holiday season brings to my family and having decorations around just makes me HAPPY! Shoot, I’d have that beautiful lit tree up all year long if I wasn’t such a clutter freak. Celebrating Christmas with all the wonderful components of it (baking, decorating, gift giving, spending time with family, going to church, etc) is the highlight of my year.
My cut back on my children’s gifts from “Santa” all began about 7 years ago. Back then, I had a 3 and a 1 year old. Christmas morning of 2007, I was smacked in the face with a reality check. My 3 year old had been opening gifts for over an hour. Like really an hour … and that was fast opening too. Why was it taking so long? What in the world did I buy that kid? How many presents did he receive from Santa? Did Santa actually sneak in my house and ADD to the presents I had already bought?? Surely he must have. It was SO.MANY.GIFTS for one tiny human. After approximately 73 minutes, my three year old turned around, looked at me with a very nervous smile, and said “Momma, can I stop opening my presents so I can play?” Oh dear … that just happened.
Time stood still in that moment. My mind was swirling with all the shopping trips that began in August. The stockpiling of gifts in every nook and cranny in my house, hiding from my kids AND my husband. The times I wondered, “Does he have enough presents? Oh, what’s one more!” as I wandered aimlessly around Target or Toys-R-Us. Oh my GRACIOUS. I was breaking the bank on all of the toys that I bought knowing he’d love every last one of them. I was raising my child to come to know that Christmas was a time of PRESENTS!!! AND LOTS OF THEM!!! Well, yeah, I wanted him to understand that Santa brings good boys and girls presents for Christmas, but I also wanted him to know the deeper, much deeper meaning of Christmas. It became apparent to me that Christmas morning, as I sat in my robe sipping cold hot chocolate, that I was failing my kids by the over abundance of presents. Something had to change.
As the next Christmas season approached, I was vigilant about finding a way to keep the CHRIST in Christmas, as we are a Christian family who attends church regularly. I read a blog I found one Saturday morning that pointed me in a new direction. I would give each child of mine 3 gifts for Christmas. Jesus was born on Christmas and received gifts from the three wise men. 3 gifts … on Jesus’ birthday … perfection in my mind, as cliché as some might think. So I set out finding the three most perfect gifts that holiday season for my two boys … 1. something that they wanted, 2. something that they needed, and 3. something that would surprise the heck out of them. It wasn’t about how much money I spent on these items, it was about the quality and thought put into finding that gift that I KNEW my children would cherish and love for months to come.
That Christmas morning was everything I had hoped it to be and more. The boys absolutely loved their gifts, we got to spend so much more time together, and my clean freak momma bonus … a much smaller mess to clean up. Score!!! Our family has chosen this method of Christmas gift giving since then and my boys know no other way. Gone are the days of endless purchasing of nonsense, filler, cheap toys to make the tree look fuller. Gone are the days of hiding all of my Saturday splurges. Gone are the days of the million mile pileup of toys in my living room from 2 hours of opening gifts. Our Christmas days now consist of more snuggling, more reading Christmas books, more cooking and baking, more one on one time with each child, more gratefulness, and more time to spend with each other. And in the end, isn’t that what Christmas is all about? Not presents that never end or spending $500 dollars on each child so they can have “enough” that chilly December morning.
Is this the right way for every family out there? I doubt it. I have gotten the stink eye a few times when I have told someone our gift giving tradition. I’ve been called a Scrooge. But every family is different and we all choose our battles. Keeping Christmas Holy was my battle, and I’d say that I finally have this battle won!
How wonderful! If more children were being raised with this mindset. Hats off to you!!
My oldest of 4 kids is 22 and youngest 15. Three gifts is what we have always done. I was not raised in a CHRISTian home and christmas was always santa centered. Santa is not part of our CHRISTMAS celebration. We do have a child’s book set…is Santa for real, is Halloween for real, and is Easter for real…that the kids have read and shared with others whether at school or AWANA. Jesus received 3 and that is how CHRISTMAS is celebrated in our household.
Really? You let your kids go around telling other kids at school that Santa and the Easter Bunny don’t exist and Halloween is evil?? Unless your kids go to a religious school with other kids who have the same beliefs you are WAY out of line lady! People like you are why so many people think badly of Christians! I am a Christian also but I respect other people’s beliefs and would never teach my children to push their beliefs on others! A lot of children believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny and love celebrating Halloween, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Jane,
While I understand your point about not wanting to “ruin another kid’s holiday beliefs”, there is something more important here. Your attitude. Coming off and calling her “way out of line lady” is way out of line for you. I really can’t stand it when people come on and cyber bully someone else. You can have your point of view but please, be respectful in how you try to communicate it to others. She was not rude in her comment, she didn’t tell anyone that her way is the only way, she simply shared her opinion and what her family does. Does it matter if her kids tell others that there is no Easter Bunny, no Santa Claus, or Halloween is evil (which it is btw)? Of course not. Kids will eventually grow up and find out that hey, they were right, but in the meantime, their faith in Santa or bunnies or whatever will probably remain pretty strong. I grew up believing in those things, I had classmates who didn’t, did it change my beliefs? Nope. Did it ruin my holiday? Nope. I just kept on believing until I got old enough to figure out they were right after all. Didn’t change anything.
I also had classmates who told me that they were atheists….didn’t stop me from believing the Gospel when I heard it. So, don’t get your panties in a bunch, kids will be fine. If you don’t want your kids to hear other children’s thoughts or ideas then don’t send to public school. I had a Jehovah’s Witness friend from 1-3 grade.(she was what people all today “my bestie” or BFF)…didn’t change my beliefs or how my family celebrated anything (they don’t celebrate Christmas or birthdays). So yeah, kids can handle adversity, other’s opinions, ideas or what not, that is what happens at public school. It is also why they have parents, to instill in them faith in whatever their family chooses to believe despite that others may disagree. Welcome to the world…people aren’t always going to agree….but you can at least be nice about it. Didn’t sound like her kids weren’t being unkind….just your comments.
I’ll be pissed too if some kid comes and tells my kid Santa isn’t real. It amuses me you call her out on ‘cyber bullying’ and tell her how she should approach something and she is “way out of line.” That Halloween is evil (according to YOU.) Hypocrite much? Welcome to the internet…people aren’t always going to be nice.
We have five children and have never celebrated Santa Claus. We taught our kids the truth from the start. Our Chrismas season is filled with baking, decorating, stories of the first Christmas, family gatherings, food and gift giving and love. My three oldest are 22,20 and 15. We have asked them if they ever felt they missed out on anything by not believing in Santa and they all said no. Every year I receive phone calls from irate parents asking me to stop my children from going to school and telling their child there is no Santa. My response is always the same…have your child stop telling mine there is one and mine will stop saying there isnt. Works both ways and I am not going to scold my child for telling the truth.
I’m a kid about to turn 15. I learned that all the kids cared about is how many presents they have gotten. I get a few and I am thankful for everything I get. I don’t care about Santa or anything I know that my parents put in hard work to get it. Y can’t we get allow plz. Every time an agrument happens another kid gets hurt. Please stop arguing. WWJD?
She didn’t say you had to follow this for your family !!
My goodness get a grip lady , this is her story that you’ve chosen to read if you didn’t like or agreed what she was saying all you had to do was quite reading it and walk away !!!
I love this story, my daughter started doing this last year.
I think it will make a difference in there life and pretty good one at that !! Thank you for your story
We’ve never celebrated Santa, but I did tell my kids if I found out they told anyone else, they’d get in trouble. It wasn’t their secret to spoil and other families choose to do Santa.
My question is how do you lie and blackmail your kids with Santa, then expect them to believe you in anything else? You lie and emotionally manipulate for years, then say, oh believe me, I’d never lie to you. Really???
Did you see her kids are 22-15… not little most kids know now by 8 yrs old or so…
I let my kids believe in Santa Claus. When they ask if he is real, I tell them that the magic of Christmas is real and if they believe in him thats all that matters. I do give them presents from Santa and Santa gives them three total. I however do not tell them that the tooth fairy and easter bunny and leprechauns are all real. I put out easter baskets they usually aren’t curious about where it comes from I assume they know I do it. I do not do the tooth fairy thing. I guess I just think that is where I personally draw the line at ridiculous. My christmas is big and centered around presents but also centered around giving back, family and God. We always talk about the gift of Jesus I remember my daughter last year (6 yrs) asked me why Santa brings gifts on Jesus’ Birthday I told her Santa must have thought that Jesus’ Birthday was the most important day ever and he wanted to honor it by starting a tradition. I would never get upset by a parent who lets their children tell my kids that Santa is not real. Even though I choose to have Santa at my house that does not mean that other kids who have a different tradition should be made to feel as if they aren’t supposed to talk about it. My kids know that most adults don’t believe in Santa and they know that Santa at the mall is a guy dressed up in a red suit impersonating him. I figured it out on my own and I cherish the magical feeling I had christmas eve . morning as a kid so I let my kids experience it but if they stop believing or another kid doesn’t believe I am not going to make a big deal out of it. I will let them soak it all in. It will be good for them to hear that Santa isn’t real because I feel like its an icebreaker for when they know he isn’t. It won’t just be all at once – SANTA IS A FRAUD. Lol My kids got upset one day because the kids at school said the tooth fairy probably doesn’t like her because she is bossy. My kid is sweet she is a motherly sort of girl and probably comes off as bossy but I find those kids bullying mine as bad or worse than any kid that knows there is no Santa.
Amen, Kasandra. Nothing worse than santimonious mothers raising sanctimonious kids. I shower my kid with lots of presents because I bust my ass and work hard to be able to do it. But we also donate her older toys at the same time and sponsor a child in need. And Im not saying what I do is “better” than anyone else. Reminds me….it’s Cyber Monday on Amazon!
Mary,
Stay the course. You’re not the only one fighting an uphill battle against other Christians who are convinced they can keep one foot in the things of this world without slipping.
After watching my nieces, nephews and step children open endless amounts of gifts at Christmas over the years, I decided to “adopt” the 3 gift rule when I became a mother. My now 4 year old son has grown to love the celebration of Christmas and has become a very giving and appreciative little boy.
We spend Christmas with my sister and my 11 year old niece when I told my sister our plan she decided to do the same (which was VERY different from the past). The first year my niece only received 3 gifts from Santa, the first words out of her mouth were, “Mom this was the best Christmas EVER!”
I totally agree with u 2
This is a wonderful post!! I love the idea of 3 gifts and your meaning behind each one!! We’ve always only done 2 gifts for the kids….one from us and one from Santa. Last year Isabella was in love with Hello Kitty and had been asking for a dream light for over a year. I hated the idea of spending $30 on a night light but one night I found a hello kitty dream light and just got it for her. That was her present from Santa. She was so incredibly happy when she opened it and I was proud of myself 🙂 However, in the following days I had so many people ask, not only me but her, “that’s all santa brought!?!” Number 1 I thought this was so RUDE!!! How dare you ask my 6 year old something like that!! Number 2 I thought about the whole Christmas season these days. I saw posts about parents spending $500 or more on each of their children!! That’s usually my entire Christmas budget!! My kids are spoiled by at least 3 sets of “grandparents” and the last thing they need is me adding to that!! I’ve always known and kept close to my heart the true meaning of Christmas. I want my kids to grow up with the same values. I was always under the impression that Santa had one gift for each child, and in my house it’s one gift and that’s it!! Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one 🙂
Erin,
I went through the same thing last year for Christmas and it totally broke my heart for my son! Why make our children feel as though they are not worthy because they didn’t receive too many gifts “from Santa”! People can be so rude!!
I love this post. I think we will implement the same thing. My only question is – how do you handle grandparents? I think we have at least 8-10 presents per child coming from grandparents. I’m stressed thinking of either finding places for all this “stuff” or hurting feelings by getting rid of “stuff” – it’s always hard!
I have the same problem (or will have, as the birth of our first child is imminent). My in-laws have four other grandchildren and buy about 10 presents a piece for them for each Christmas, birthday and yes, even for Easter (a concept that I do not understand). I don’t want to be a jerk and tell them “Please don’t buy us that many presents, and especially not that often!” I also don’t want my kid to see her cousins getting hordes of loot and think that her grandparents don’t love her as much (but I don’t want her equating love with material things, either). My mother suggested that I tell our daughter when she’s old enough to understand that Mommy and Daddy have asked Grandma and Grandpa not to give her as many toys because she doesn’t need them. I guess that might work, but I’m afraid that my in-laws won’t stop buying even if we ask.
Maybe you can suggest that they contribute to a family zoo pass or other experience near you. Then it’s a gift that keeps on giving! 🙂 In years past, my family has given us money to put toward a zoo pass. Then we could think of them every time we went to the zoo! 🙂
What an Awesome Idea! I am going to pass this on to our grandparents. A zoo pass or a bunch of movie passes would be a great idea!
My sister ran into this problem with our family. She has begun asking for “experiences” as gifts instead of material things. Not every one in my family was on board with it at first i admit, but the boys were so happy! Instead of a toy that only lasts so long they have memories. They still say things like “remember when uncle so-and-so took us go carting at the arcade”, or “remember when we went out to eat after the movie with Nana and Papa did such n such”. It’s amazing and they are so grateful.
Since you asked them not to get her as many presents, have you thought of opening a savings account for her. The grandparents can give you the remaining money that they didn’t spend (if spending same one each grandchild). Then when she is 18 she will have money to help with college or a down payment on a car. Depending on amount saved up. Because she will be a young adult she will have something special from them.
I ask my parents and n laws to not get anymore presents then we get 🙂
I tell grandmas and grandpas that mommy takes boxes to Goodwill every week. If they send too many toys… Then toys will be in those boxes too. They have started to get the hint.
I am a gram & a great gram. Suggest they buy tickets to Christmas movies and take the children. They can also buy and give them AMC gift cards for future use. A surscription to one of the children magazines, buy a grandparents membership to the zoo, etc. Let them know these are things the children would like. Let them know you have started a college fund or ????
We had that same problem with both of our parents. We live 12 hrs away so I felt extra horrible asking them not to give our daughter all of these nice things that they had stockpiled throughout the year, but after that first Christmas (and birthday…our daughter’s bday is Dec. 30), we could not fit all of the toys and clothes into our car to return home! We tried explaining how tiny our apt is, but that did not deter them. We are so blessed that are families can afford to be so generous! Last year our daughter was turning 3 and had started asking to do different activities like ballet and gymnastics. We were already paying for a zoo pass and really couldn’t swing the cost of the other activities, so we asked that the grandparents “sponsor” L in an activity. My folks sponsored ballet and my in-laws did gymnastics! They were thrilled with that idea! Now I get to send weekly photos of their sweet ballerina/gymnast which is extra brownie points for me
We have the same issue with my in-laws. My dad is on a very fixed income so he gives each kid one gift,. But my MIL likes to hand my daughter a huge toy catalogue and say, “Make a big list” She calls me a scrooge. But I prefer my child to have given some thought into what she really likes –maybe something she played with at a friend’s house or something she read about. But I don’t want her getting the gimmes and asking for things that she will play with once or get tired of quickly. One thing you could suggest to gramma is Li’l Passports. This company will send your child a package every month dealing with a different state or country, depending on what you are interested in. You can just pay for one month or order for 3 or 12. Grandparents usually have a bit more to spend than parents do so this could be a win win for everyone. I ordered this for my daughter and put off the first shipment til Jan 1. I have a feeling this will be a much treasured gift!
I love this idea. We have a total of 5 Christmas celebrations that we attend each year. We usually end up with a full car by the end of the day either way. This year we have said that we are giving 1 gift from Santa that will be relatively inexpensive and the gifts from us will be how many and the price we decide on, which is not a lot as he has larger Christmases from the rest of our families. We decided to make our own traditions, communicate our way of doing things and if they agree great, if not that’s OK too. It is difficult to get everyone in our families on board because we are fighting many different waystyles of doing things. I love many of the ideas I have read about today just reading the post and comments. And it’s always worth trying next year.
GREAT idea.
Wonderful idea! I tend to go overboard but still try to buy meaningful presents. This seems like a much better idea.
I just started this tradition as well. My 5 children received a letter from Santa explaining how he loves to honor Jesus during Christmas time and this “is what mom & dad and I came up with to keep the meaning of the season”. Our 3 gifts go along with the gold (something they value), frankincense which was a perfume (so something they can share with the whole family), and myrrh which was a medicine (so something for the body to wear or exercise with). I love how they have to think a little extra about each gift when they’re older because at first my son put 3 video games down.
We have been doing the 3 gifts for the last 11 years!! If it was good enough for baby Jesus its good enough for my kids. My kids really think about what they want, and we usually try to accommodate within reason but 98% of the time they get what they ask for and are thrilled!!
I love this idea! It’s too late for this year but going forward that’s the way.
Thanks!!!
We did something similar: something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. It keeps the Christ in Christmas.