More often than not, my son gets “surprises” and “special treats.”
These range from frequent Amazon packages from my parents who live across the country local grandma causally dropping off five brand new outfits to my own friends sending him toys and books “just because.”
My response is usually, “Oh my gosh, thank you so much. You are just going to spoil him rotten!”
And yet even with the receiving of gifts galore for simply existing, my kind family and friends are not responsible for his spoiledness (is that a word?).
I am.
And it’s progressively gotten worse.
The first time I really noticed it is when he was little I made the first-time mother mistake. You know the one. It’s when your child is having an intense meltdown and to pacify them (only for your own embarrassment purposes, mind you) is to buy whatever crap they are screaming about just so they’ll be quiet. I’ll get you this pair of sunglasses or Cars cup so you can stop drawing attention to us in the bargain section of Target. Isn’t that bribery? Shouldn’t I have known that this behavior doesn’t go away?
So this behavior continued … and he got older. Let’s also throw in some working mom guilt and toss in his- parents-are-divorced guilt.
I could never say no and I always justified it in my head. If he wanted Cane’s for dinner, he was having Cane’s for dinner. My thought process would be “not only is this a comfort meal for him, he’s also such a picky eater at least he would eat it.”
If he had to have a travel cup with those dogs from Paw Patrol it was his because “I worked 50 hours this week and I missed him.”
I realize this makes no sense.
To recap we have working mom guilt, divorced mom guilt, and now mommy got remarried and there’s a new baby on the way guilt. And with my little guy, although the tantrums have chilled out, the asking/behavior hasn’t.
According to my husband, I’m enabling my child to think he can get whatever he wants just because of my own hang ups and that I’m being totally counterproductive.
Fair enough.
I understand this is something that I, as the parent, need to work on. Especially when we add another little person in just a few short months. And although my little guy is nothing short of gracious to others showering him with tangible objects of affection, he’s come to just expect that from Mom. That mindset is going to have to change.
Recently he’s been mentioning how he wants a guitar to learn how to play. I told him that he needed to earn it, and we can talk about it once he got his report card. He made honor roll so I’ll have to make good on our deal. He doesn’t need to know I’ve been looking for small Fender look-a-likes and scouting lessons.
Baby steps right?
