I Didn’t Know I Had Anxiety

This has been a rough year for me. With several heavy issues in my lap, I was struggling more than I ever had. When it got to the point where I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t get out, when I was too immobilized to take my kids to the store with me (both very new feelings for me), I decided it was time to go back to therapy.

After several sessions, we realized that I was struggling with anxiety and depression. I spoke with my general practitioner, and started on medication, and began to finally feel the fog lifting. I was feeling more stable with a balance of therapy and meds. I knew that the last several months had been rough, and felt like I was finally coming up for air.

As I mindlessly scrolled through Facebook one day, this video from the hilarious Tiffany at Juggling the Jenkins came up.

This is me. I was nodding, agreeing, saying “YES!” to each part of the video. But this has always been me, not just me over the past several months. Have I lived with anxiety all of my life? How did I not know that this is what anxiety looked like?

You see, I have always thought of every possible outcome, and created a plan to direct the situation the way I want it to go. I was overcompensating for the underlying anxiety. It wasn’t until I watched this video that I truly realized how anxiety affects my day to day interactions.

My internal dialogue was deeply impacting my decisions. I was consistently trying to talk myself off of the ledge of fear and worry. The craziest thoughts pop into my head, but instead of worrying, I simply doled out a heaping of prevention.

If you are struggling with feelings of self-doubt, incompetence, or overwhelm, please reach out and get help. Join the conversations about mental health, so you can help to identify issues in yourself and in those you love. The more you know, and the more you can process what you are dealing with, the faster you can walk in healing.