Motherhood is a beast. I’m giving a big side-eye to the mom who always looks perfectly put together and only talks about how fulfilling and perfect motherhood is … I suspect you are not even human. There are so many pressures we encounter as women and as moms. There are pressures to do all of the things and do them perfectly – the right school, the right extracurriculars, the right values/politics/religion. We encounter pressures to look amazingly good while doing it al l- be fit, be sexy, be fashionable. To top it off, there seems to be an unspoken pressure to genuinely enjoy motherhood all of the time. It feels taboo to say out loud “I’m exhausted and it’s hard,” but I’m so done with this lie.
There are moments, sometimes days, where motherhood feels like a real drag. Don’t get me wrong – I love my kiddo in the fiercest way imaginable and I cannot imagine a world where he did not exist and I was not his mom, but that doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally fantasize about pre-motherhood days. Days before wiping butts and piles of laundry and exhaustion like I can’t even explain. Days before sanctimommies and internet trolls and open, although indirect, judgement about all the things I am screwing up. Days before epic tantrums and sassy mouths and hard heads. Maybe I am the only one that feels this way, and maybe I am out-of-line, but I think it’s totally okay to own the truth of where I am and how I feel about motherhood, even if it doesn’t fit the expectation of what my experience should feel like.
I think it’s okay to occasionally lay my head down at night feeling like this gig is tough. I think it’s okay for me not to enjoy all that motherhood entails. I think it’s okay for me to get really frustrated when somebody urges me to “get over it” by reminding me that “it’s just a phase.” I think it’s okay to need a break sometimes. I think it would be refreshing to hear another mom say “I am exhausted, and the days feel really long right now.”
This is my truth some days – motherhood is hard. But you know what? That’s okay. Even in the hardest of days, there is always at least one moment where I look at my son and remember why the hard moments are worth it and I cling deeply to those moments. Hang in there mammas, you are not alone. We are doing hard and incredible things – raising up a generation. Motherhood doesn’t have to be all sunshine and smiles and picture perfect moments, it just needs to be full of love, perseverance, and I would argue – honesty.
It IS hard. And messy and tiring and mind-numbing and so much of the time thankless. And it’s ok to feel that way.
And those sanctimommies – I love that word! – are liars. They too fall apart when they get home and they have spitup on their designer clothes and they have throw up on their white carpets, just like the rest of us.
We all hold on to the precious moments that keep us going. And we start over yet again when we have a not-who-i-really-want-to-be moment or day.
And pictures! I am such a picture person! Scrapbook queen at one point in my life! And I didn’t even get one group shot of my family at Easter! But oh well. That was still a good day whether I documented it for all eternity or not; and I didn’t have to fuss or cajole or make the kids do something they didn’t want to do and end up with grumpy pictures.
Thank you for your honesty. Hopefully it will help even just one mommy say ‘enough is enough I feel this way too!’