-“Wait. What?”
-“I said you have some decisions to make this time. We need you to consent to or decline these tests.”
-“What’s changed from the last time? You delivered my first baby just three years ago. So, y’all are offering more tests now?”
-“No. Not really. Not to everyone. It’s just that now you are of Advanced Maternal Age. There are more calculated risks.”
-“Advanced Maternal Age? So, will you be issuing me a cane, too? I’ll need a cute, vintage one.”
Hi. How are you?
And me? Apparently, I’m old.
I was trying to be funny with my doctor and pretty much laughed it off, but I did have to let those words soak in a bit.
ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE.
Gross. That conversation with my doctor was over two years ago. I’m EVEN OLDER now. On my next birthday, I’ll have a 6 year-old, a 3 year-old and I’ll be 40. When my mom was 40, she had three children and the oldest of them had already graduated from high school. My oldest will be finishing up kindergarten. Friends of mine, with children of similar ages, are almost a decade younger. We relate well because our children are the commonality, not because we all wore combat boots with our dresses in high school.
While I’m totally flattered when I hear someone say, “You don’t look like you’re about to be 40!” I wonder – what does that even mean? What does 40 look like? It looks like I’m going to rock it.
Age has provided a nifty perspective. Oddly, I’ve never been more comfortable with myself, my career, my marriage, my body…distance from when you were becoming who you are is a gift. With hope that I’ll never stop growing, I do take more time to JUST BE. I like who that is. I like how CONTENT feels. Seeing that it is possible to like myself makes me a better mother. It just does.
There are other things my Advanced Maternal Age has afforded me – like a longer time married to my husband BEFORE we had children (seven years). We grew up together. We became a unit. We learned how to disagree, then reach a resolution before a crying baby would make that so much harder. We had sex in the living room. Somehow, that’s made me a better mother, I’m sure of it.
So far, the drawbacks to being an older mother have been few – but my children are young. If they wait as long as I did to have their own babies, I may not be here to meet them. That makes me sad. Sometimes no one gets my pop culture references from yesteryear and that’s disappointing, too, especially when I think my quips are clever. That makes me *feel* old. I may be the oldest mom in this room, but the statistics say that just next door there’s someone my age in the same situation.
Say it with me, friend: “GET OFF MY LAWN!”
What a great perspective you have!
Mine as a grandparent of young children has similar, but different concerns.
Embracing where you are in life allows you to see the wonder in the moments together. Each precious, whether a challenge or an opportunity to learn something about them and/ or yourself.
Making memories means spending time together doing special things and ordinary day to day stuff.
The adventure is before us. Ready, set GO!
Girl! I am rocking “old mom” status, too! I was 39 when little one was born. We live in a small neighborhood and all the kids hang out together. My daughter is the youngest kid… I am the oldest mom. Our closest friends in the neighborhood have teenagers… the parents are 10 years younger than my husband and I. I think it will keep my young, and everyone is free to roam about our lawn 🙂
It certainly helps to hear that I’m not alone! And that whole “Get off my lawn” thing – it was for effect. Because that’s what old people say, isn’t it? 😉
I am right there with you. I am 37 and have a 5th grader and a kindergartener. So yes my oldest child may be older, but I still am usually the “most experienced” mom in the room! (My own way of saying that other word) Age is a number, and I don’t pay much attention to it. I hike and camp and keep up with all the rest of them. Glad to hear I am not alone!