You Cannot Heal Where You Are Hurting

You Cannot Heal Where You Are Hurting

For the past 8 years of my life, I have had to let go of people who meant the world to me involuntarily. In those losses, I have learned that we experience loss whether it is people, things, tangible or intangibles, mentally or physically and it is inevitable. After each loss, there are periods of grief or mourning that we must go through. You cannot skip the process, and you cannot ignore it. There are stages of grief/mourning that you will have to go through. If you search the internet some say there are 5, 6 or even 7 stages. As for me, I have experienced 8 stages of grief multiple times. And it was painful yet extremely rewarding.  

As I went through the stages, I really did not understand what was going on with me.

I have always been optimistic, charismatic, spontaneous, humorous, and life of the party type person. I enjoy seeing others happy, laughing, and loved. But then it all changed, and it became very dark for me. I was very depressed, isolated, and even pessimistic. I lost my zeal in life. My sense of purpose was fading away and for the life in me, I could not figure out why. I would cry all the time it seemed as if I had to beg to live and no matter what I did I could not come out of that darkness.  

Then one day Maison prayed for me, and I could feel a glimpse of hope. It’s like I heard God say, you are just mourning. And all that day, I kept hearing “you are just mourning.” So, I Googled mourning and read up on it. I also read blogs and articles about mourning. To my surprise, there were so many people who went through it and even experienced it at that time. Relieved but still overwhelmed, I barely crawled out of bed the next morning.  

As I said earlier, I experienced 8 stages and they were as follows: Disconnection, Anger, Bargaining, Isolation, Denial, Depression, Fear, Acceptance. Now they did not come in that order, but I experienced them sometimes all at once. Being a nurse it was ridiculously hard for me because I kept blaming myself. Then one day my closest cousin called me and said, “Lana, it was not your fault and there are some things that are just out of our control, and in God’s Hands.” That moment is when it all changed, and it started to get clearer.

I got up and began my journey of healing, and I wanted to share a couple of things that I did to overcome grief :: 

1. 1. Forgiveness: I prayed to God for forgiveness for my pride of thinking that I could control anything that happens, and not seeing life through his word. I also forgave myself for not being able to prevent those losses.
      
      
   2. Prayed More: Each day I got up early, spent time with God, praying his promises over myself and Maison. Asking for him to show me what life looks like now through his eyes.
   3. Spent time with Maison: Family is everything to me, so I started doing what Maison wanted to do. Connecting to my inner child – that brought the laughter back, and spontaneous weekend getaways. It allowed me to break from the place where I was hurting. I was healing at water parks, mountain climbing, boat rides, and adventure parks. 
   4. Acceptance: I finally realized that this was the new way of living, and that it is ok to not be ok. But to trust God, knowing that there is a rainbow after every storm.
   5. Moved: In that season of mourning, I realized that I could not Heal where I was Hurting, and the best thing was for me to move. Now that may not be the best thing for everyone, but for us it truly was lifesaving. I took a nursing assignment in Berlin, New Hampshire. 35 hour driving trip, but it really changed the trajectory for us.
      
      
   6. And now here we are in Baton Rouge looking at life through the LENSES OF GOD. I am not back to the old me, but I am a better me, spiritually stronger, loving freely, laughing, and becoming the best version of ME!