Author’s Note :: This blog was a collaborative effort of survivors of flooding and their thoughts on how common sayings have made them feel. Not all statements resonated with all victims, but I felt each one was important to list so that readers could understand their feelings behind the well-meaning comments. I have said many of these things and probably still do today. The list is not meant to demean others, but to give a new perspective on how some flood victims feel, remind others to be sensitive to their feelings and offer assistance if at all possible. As always, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and raw emotions. Giving support from your heart is ultimately the main goal in this tragic time.
10 Things NOT to Say to Flood Victims
Louisiana has been in a state of emergency for the past 6 days.
Relentless rain and rising rivers have caused disastrous flash floodin
g all throughout the south. 40,000 homes destroyed, 30,000 people rescued, 10,000 in shelters. There was little time to prepare, and the damage to properties and human life is unimaginable. A drive down almost any road in Southeast Louisiana reveals the horrific aftermath that flash flooding caused just days ago.
Louisiana communities are beginning to dry off and pick up the pieces of their homes and lives. In the midst of such tragedy, people are coming together in order to help each other … and it’s a beautiful sight.
In times like these, we feel obligated to express our concern and condolences to others who were victims of this disaster.
Rarely can a response or comment make a situation better, but we can express our empathy so that those affected know we are here to support them. We want to connect, rather than disconnect. We want to try and put ourselves in their shoes, take their perspective, be free of judgment, and ultimately, we want to feel with them.
Sometimes when we are speaking to those affected by the horrific floods, we say things that are well meaning in nature but do not help in our desire to be empathetic. And sometimes these comments are anything but supportive.
Here are 10 common sayings that flood victims don’t want to hear…
“Just be thankful that you are all safe and alive.”
I’m fairly certain everyone who survived the flooding is thankful they are alive and well; they do not need us reminding them.
“It’s just things that can be replaced.”
While “things” can often be replaced, many times they cannot. Pictures and family heirlooms, amongst other things, cannot be replaced. The longing for these lost materials will stay with them long after the flood waters have receded.
“At least you only got a few feet of water, my house flooded to the roof.”
Some houses got impacted more so than others, however it is NEVER appropriate to try and one up a fellow victim.
“God won’t give you more than you can handle.”
Just no. Can we stop with that saying?
“Let me know if you need anything!”
This well meaning comment has such great intent. Truly it does, but flood victims need lots of things and their minds are already overwhelmed. Can I recommend saying something more productive such as, “Can I come over to help you clean up in the morning?” or “Would it be alright if I buy your family some necessities like clothing, toiletries, and supplies?”
“It could always be worse.”
Yep, it sure could, but in this very moment, things are pretty grim for the victims. They need to feel all the emotions they have without judgment.
“I’m praying for you.” (and then nothing…)
Obviously you can totally say this comment (and I encourage you to do so), but please don’t stop there if you are in the area of need and can physically help. When one just endured such a tragedy, they often need help now and they need it fast. I’m sure no one gets offended by a prayer offering, but what they would really love in addition to your prayers is your man power in helping them begin to rebuild their life. (Please keep the prayers coming if you are unable to do anything else!)
“I sure hope you had flood insurance.”
Well, what if they don’t? Do they need a reminder that this devastation will cost thousands of dollars? Instead, maybe ask if you can help them with making claims or paperwork.
“At least you have each other.”
Our families are number one, obviously. It should go without saying that being together is the ultimate blessing, but even having each other doesn’t erase the pain or trauma of enduring a natural disaster.
“At least…”
Let’s just say anything that starts with “at least” should ALWAYS be off limits in times of crisis and trauma.
Silver lining, comparing, or judging in your words is never productive and only disconnects you from the victim when we should be connecting. These people are hurting and they have every right to be. Louisiana’s flood victims are vulnerable right now, and their emotions are running high. They need to feel our love and support in their time of need.
This advice is based on other victims’ experiences and may not resonate with all, and thanks okay. The one thing I’m certain of is that we should all be sensitive to their feelings and offer our support.
Often times, our need to comfort those suffering around us leaves us speechless or stumbling our words, but as long as we acknowledge them in their time of need and genuinely offer our love and support, I think we will be able to recover and rebuild from this tragedy together.
#LouisianaStrong
Need Help With What to Say or Do for Flood Victims? Click HERE for 10 Things You Can Do!
Other Helpful Posts For Victims of Flood and Other Natural Disasters
How to Help The Louisiana Flood Victims {Drop Offs, Donations and More} :: Moms Helping Moms
Louisiana Pride :: Sending NOLA Love to Baton Rouge
3 Ways to Help Baton Rouge Flood Victims Immediately {From Louisiana or Afar}
It’s Just Stuff, but It’s Okay to Cry
The Incomparable Beauty of Community
To The 90 Percent, From The 10 Percent
Sights and Sounds of the Storm
Resources and Information for the Louisiana Flood Victims
[…] previously wrote a blog stating the 10 things you should not say to flood victims. Comforting words may seem appropriate, […]
So rather than, “I hope you had flood insurance” can we say , “Well, I guess you were too stupid and did not buy flood insurance even though you live in a floodplain?”
Bob, in my opinion I think both of those statements should be left unsaid, but to each their own. Those who just lost everything don’t need our judgment, only our support.
No matter what anyone says to me I try to look past the actual words and see the heart of what they really intend, and if it’s meant to be consolatory I will choose to appreciate it.
If anyone is attempting to be compassionate and sympathetic toward me I am going to acknowledge and appreciate it no matter what words they may use to express it.
The last thing I would ever want to do is hand out a rule book on how best to be kind to me because in so doing I might make the person concerned about me feel small or rebuffed in some way. They might take it that I don’t want their encouragement and or prayers…and nothing could be further from the truth. ?
But that’s just me. I respect others rights to see it differently and will keep praying, even if that’s all I can do at this point.
Absolutely. This is why I wrote my second post, 10 Things You Can DO for Flood Victims. They just need our support and help right now.
[…] 10 Things NOT to Say to Flood Victims […]
[…] 10 Things NOT to Say to Flood Victims […]
This is wonderful. Having been a victim of the levee failures in NOLA, I can add that one should never tell a flood victim “what did you expect? You shouldn’t even be living there.” (This is especially hurtful when your disaster wasn’t even a natural one.)
Also, please don’t forget the victims in Tangipahoa Parish and other areas. I know that people in places like Chalmette and southern Mississippi, which were wiped out in Katrina, felt like unloved stepchildren because all the focus was on NOLA.
You left out the one i hate hearing, “why don’t ya’ll just move up North?”. Well, family, jobs, children, grandchildren, grandparents, friends, just to name a few reasons why.
Katie-
This is excellent. I am a pastor in SE Louisiana. Do you mind if I share this with my congregation?
J.P. Cox, thank you so very much. I would be honored if you shared!! 🙂
We were Flood Victims in Denham springs and we did lose everything…. We have heard everyone of these …and the biggest one was “I’m so sorry for your loss” that one was over and over it got to the point where my husband said if I hear that one more time…. It’s just hard and now trying to find a place to live… It sucks
I enjoyed the enjoyed reading this and have heard everyone of these saying and I know that people has good intentions when saying these things. But one thing that most people don’t know is that yes we still have our families but here’s the issue with that. With the limited number of places to stay we don’t feel like we have our families.Personally I am at my parent’s home, my wife and youngest son are with friends so he can get to school and my 2 oldest children are each staying with different friends that do not flood. So yes my family is alive but it almost feels as they are not because we can’t sit around and have family time. It has been over a month since we have all been in the same room at one time. it is very stressful and had to put into words what that feels like.