Boy Mom and Princess Dresses

I am not a boy mom by the pure definition that the reliable source of Urban Dictionary gives me, “mother to only boys,” but when used in their example sentence, “Boy mom is an experience, not a description,” I think I am living the boy mom life.

My toddler, on any given day, prefers princess dresses and will fight ’til death (unless it’s tumble tots day) to wear one. Birdie is my little girl and definitely has her girly streak, but I think I am living the boy mom life. Come with me for a moment to defend my theory and present the evidence.

Flatulence Obsession

God Bless America, my child carries her toots as a badge of honor. I hear about it at the dinner table, while bathing as she yells out, “There’s a frog in the tub!” I hear about it in her jokes (thanks Bayly), “How did the duck toot? From his butt quack!” Mamas, we are not talking a little bit, it’s become an issue that needs to be addressed at school. She makes toot sounds and then says, “What was that?” before she inevitably starts laughing and says, “TOOTS!” #boymom

Sizing of Poop

Before I inevitably have to go to the bathroom to help her wipe, I am told, and not quietly, the size of the poop. The range is daddy poop to baby poop. Then the range of stinky. “What’s that bad stink?” Just stick around, she will answer, “MY POOP!” #boymom

Belching

This is a relatively new thing, but my toddler thinks belching is the most fun. She also believes it is an acceptable answer to whether or not a meal was good. For example, I picked her up from her little youth group at the church. I knew they had served pizza so I asked, “How was the pizza?” She then forced a belch as she rubbed her belly and said, “mmmmmm.” #boymom

Themed Birthday Party

My child is very vocal about what type of birthday she wanted. This past year, it was a cactus birthday party. I can deal. Then I asked, “What kind of party do you think you would want next year?” I. Should. Have. Never. Asked.

“A poo poo birthday party.” {face palm}

“Birdie, poo poo is not for parties.”

She didn’t say much, but she remembered, and she was waiting to prove me wrong. We were making our regular Target run when she saw it, a poo poo emoji piñata.  She didn’t just tell me she yelled, “Mommy! SEE! POO POO PARTY!” #boymom

Food

Mamas, I don’t know what I am going to do when my pre-teen is grown and my toddler is no longer a toddler. I can not afford their appetite. My husband and I have discussed putting a lock on the outside of the pantry. So. Much. Food. On a regular basis I find the toddler sitting in the pantry with the door closed elbow deep in a canister of baking cocoa. #boymom

Nudity

If this child is not in a princess dress there is a good chance she’s stripping her clothes off. Supposedly she can’t sit “criss cross applesauce” in her clothes. So it’s really a functional thing, but really, really she just likes to point to her booty and ask you to, “look at my booty. It toots.” #boymom

Verdict

My Birdie is definitely one of a kind. She’s smart. She’s kind. She’s marching to the beat of her own drum. She’s decked out in a princess dress and obsessed with bodily functions and food. It is an experience, one that research (a simple google search of boy mom experience) would suggest is without a doubt, #boymom.

Girl moms, am I alone here? Are you trying to raise a lady living the boy mom life?