Breaking Generational Curses

The majority of millennials have been known to “break generational curses.” Most people will think it’s limited to teen pregnancy, various types of addiction, and accepting help with mental health, but it’s not.

It can be just simply choosing to not yell at your children in the morning if they overslept for the bus, because your mom did.

Let me start of saying, our parents did the best they could with what they knew; at least mine did.

Just to give a little perspective:

• Both of my parents are first-generation college students.
• My mom actually went to segregated schools until the second grade.
• My maternal grandmother dropped out of school in 8^th grade to help her parents pick cotton.
• My paternal grandfather was in the military and was very authoritative in his parenting style.

So all of this shapes how your parents raised us. They did the best they could.

Fast forward to millennials.

We are the generation of:

• Parenting gently (some parents choose to talk to their kids instead of spanking)
• Advocating for body autonomy (not forcing your children to hug or kiss relatives or anyone, really)
• Letting our kids choose what they want for dinner (we actually have McDonald’s money because sometimes we don’t want the food that’s at home)
• Realizing that we are the adults (often times I’ll realize that I’m in charge. Am I really a mom?)

I mean I could go on and on. I do all of this within reason and within my means.

I said all that to say… as hard as it is … we have to be kind to our parents because they did the best they could. Now could I be better at this? Hell yea, that’s why I go to a therapist monthly to help me navigate everything. It’s not easy.

However, I had the realization that I’m the mom and I can choose how my household is run.

Recently, I was packing for a trip (stay tuned for a blog/story on this) and my daughter was playing with her shoe rack in her room. Let me be honest, her shoe rack is a repurposed over the toilet caddy. I was preoccupied with packing her clothes and other items. But, I warned her to be careful and not play on the rack. Full disclosure, she’s going on 2 and climbs on everything. Being the inquisitive and precocious toddler that she is, she kept on climbing and playing with the shoe rack.

Eventually, the inevitable happened. The shoe rack fell.

There was a loud BOOM. The shoes went flying all over her room.

Initially, I wanted to yell and maybe spank her for not listening. While she’s almost 2 – my kid has (as the old folks would say) “some good understanding.” But I didn’t.

I turned around and looked at her. She looked petrified. I knew then I couldn’t yell or scream at her. I knew then a spanking would just have us both crying.

I ran over to her and picked her up. I comforted her and once she was calm, I talked to her. I told her she has to “listen to mama so she can stay safe.” She nodded in agreement. Then, I picked up the shoe rack and we played a “game” of finding the matching shoe.

I am so glad I chose to comfort her instead of chastising her. I never want my child to be afraid of me. I want her to know that through whatever, her mama should be her first call. I never want her to think “oh I can’t tell my mom this” because she will yell or be mad at me.

I think I’m headed in the right direction.