Pregnancy

Initially, it was part of the plan, we would wait a while before having children. We wanted to experience life as a couple before we experienced it as a  family of more than two. We waited. We worked on being married, our careers, on feeling stable and settled. We decided we were ready. It was all part of the plan until it didn’t go as planned.  Ready...or Not I was one of those people who went to my OB/GYN and had a preconception appointment; I wanted to do it right. I joined one of those online communities for pregnancy and trying to conceive. Have fun, they say, don’t stress about it, it will happen, but it didn’t happen. At first, it...

“Mommy, I want a new baby too.” These words were spoken by my youngest child after I told her that her cousin would be getting a new baby brother or sister this summer. This wasn’t the first time she or her two siblings had asked about a new baby. Of course, none of them could possibly know the pain and sadness that their questions were causing for me. Our party of 5 just felt incomplete Despite the fact that I was beyond fortunate to have three heathy, beautiful children, our family just didn’t feel complete. My husband and I felt like our home and our hearts had room for one more. Yet, for whatever reason, it just wasn’t happening. We had a relatively...

Did you know that April is C-section awareness month? I was, as they say, “today years old” when I learned that information despite having had not one, but two Cesareans. My oldest child was born 14 years ago this week, and I can still very vividly remember the feeling of dread after laboring all day only to be told that I’d need a Cesarean to deliver her. I’ll never understand why, but I’d been somehow conditioned to believe that not enduring the contractions and experiencing the physicality of a vaginal birth made me less of a woman. Less of a mother. Not as accomplished. As if I hadn’t done enough. I had been induced and had an epidural. Despite...

I’ve always been the type of person that had absolutely no idea what to do or say when a loved one was hurting. I’ve always felt absolutely useless in these situations and as if I needed to step aside and let an adult handle it. Here are some things that stuck with me during a time I needed help: Don’t try to fill the silence. My best friend once said, “There’s not anything you can say to make it better, but there’s a lot you can say to make it worse.” Just let her be sad, hurt, angry, etc. It’s kind of selfish to fill silence just because you’re uncomfortable anyway, right? Buy a houseplant. Even if a mom thinks she has...

I can feel it creeping in, slowly and almost secretly. It’s there like a shadow, always with me, but I can’t always see it. Do I acknowledge it? Do I ignore it and hope it goes away? If I speak it then am I giving it power? Anxiety. It is there as an undercurrent, but now a hurricane is slowly brewing. This time is different, this time I know what the trigger is. This time I’m aware of the reason for my anxiety. Infertility. If you’ve walked the journey that is infertility you know it is a winding road. If you haven’t, maybe imagine the thing that creates the most anxiety for you…then amplify it by ten, twenty, more. I often...