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My Dearest October

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October you will forever be dear to me. Your cool crisp air blowing with swirls of amber and gold, though underlying there will always be a tinge of blue. October is pregnancy loss month and ironically when the greatest...
Here I am, 39 weeks pregnant with a baby whom many people refer to as a rainbow baby, meaning baby after loss. For us, this pregnancy comes after two losses over the last two years. I suppose the term...
“So when are you going to have a baby?” I knew the routine. While I wanted to lecture on infertility and inappropriate questions, I slapped on my fake smile and uttered through gritted teeth “we’re working on it.” This...
  I could tell the nurse who answered the phone that night was aggravated with me. It was the third time that I had called and requested that the on-call doctor call me back. This was the fourth night in a...
Pregnancy is a part of life that, more often than not, we have absolutely no control over. Sometimes circumstances help, sometimes it seems like there’s no way out. Since I was born and raised in a different country and...
I remember the look on my husband's face when the sonographer was unable to detect our son's heartbeat. I began to cry as he looked at me with confusion and panic. "He's gone," I said. We held each other...
Pregnancy and birth stories are amazing. It is a true wonder what a pregnant body goes through from conception to birth: a whole human being is made from scratch. Although I have always been in awe of pregnancy, I...
Most people that know me know I am a “Boy Mom” who absolutely adores her sons and her Boy Mom adventures. I truly do. However, there is an almost unspoken reality that I live with daily. I had a daughter. I...

The Dreaded Question

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"Is this your first?" To any woman pregnant after loss, you know the punch in the gut feeling that follows. The inner turmoil of dialogue goes something like, "Should I tell them I lost my first baby? No. It's too...
The first time I thought about suicide, I was in 7th grade. At the time, I had transitioned to a new school and didn’t have any friends. 7th grade is a tough year. As an aside, moms, check on...
“Congratulations” is basically the norm when someone announces they are pregnant. Growing up, that’s what I learned to say, followed by visible excitement. With time, I learned that, although the prospect of a baby is can be seemingly happy,...
I'm expecting our third child at the end of August. This has been a decidedly different experience than being pregnant the first or second time. My first two were winter babies and a summertime pregnancy is just ridiculous. That's...

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