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After spending our first year of marriage as newly-weds, my husband and I were ready to have a baby. We decided that we should just “see what happens” when it came to starting our family. We wouldn’t prevent, yet we wouldn’t be trying. This continued for a year with no success. After a visit to my OBGYN, being put on Clomid for 4 months, we still had no positive test. No pregnancy. It didn’t make sense. Was it my body failing us? My husband? None of my friends were having any complications. My mother and sisters all had children of their own with zero issues, why couldn’t I? We spent the next few years as regulars at our fertility center.  We were...
Two years ago, this month, we were in the midst of a medication cycle to prepare my body for our second and final frozen embryo transfer. That period in time was filled with anxiety and hope. I can’t imagine what I would have done or how I would have felt if my doctors had called to tell me I couldn’t finish my cycle, we would have to delay the embryo transfer and they weren’t sure how long it would be before I could start another medication cycle again. I can’t imagine what it feels like to have to delay your deepest desires to build your family. Six years ago, we were longing for a child, longing for a successful pregnancy...
“So when are you going to have a baby?” I knew the routine. While I wanted to lecture on infertility and inappropriate questions, I slapped on my fake smile and uttered through gritted teeth “we’re working on it.” This seemingly innocent, albeit nosy, question was so painful to answer. My husband and I suffered through years of infertility, not knowing if we would ever become parents. We found out later that 8 of my miscarriages likely occurred because of chromosomal abnormalities, causing me to miscarry early on in each pregnancy. A little background. My husband and I met in October 2002. We married in June 2005 and decided to wait a few years before we started trying to get pregnant. We both come...
I didn’t miscarry my baby. I felt her die inside of me. I felt every contraction for days. I cried & begged & pleaded for life. I didn’t lose my baby. I was painfully aware of that life bleeding out of my body. She’s not lost, I’ll never forget her.  It’s been three years and I’m still plagued with thoughts who she would have been. I still cry over never getting to see her face or feel her move. Despite my doctor’s kind reassurance, I still fall into the black hole of “what if it *was* something I did.” Even when we did get pregnant again, I spent nine months holding my breath. I lied about date of my last period because I...

Continuing After Loss

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You know how you feel when someone punches you in the stomach and you lose your breath for a few minutes? That is how I’ve felt about writing lately. As in for over six months. Traumatic experiences tend to mark you in some way and can take the wind out of your sails. Well, it has left me literally speechless. I’ve been writing for this blog for two years now. I love that moms from all backgrounds can share their stories and experiences, even sometimes regarding the same topic. There’s always something interesting and relatable. But lately, I’ve only been able to produce the monthly event guides, which are just the facts and don’t tell you anything about me at...
When we lost our baby, I lost myself for a bit. I felt broken, half gone. But only half because I still had a daughter to care for. It was many cold, haunting nights. Lonely despair. And lots of emotions I was having trouble trudging through. In the midst of it all, I was one of the lucky ones. I had a team of support. If you have a friend that has recently experienced this loss, I'm hoping that something here will help you let them know they are not alone. Everyone grieves differently, keep that in mind. But here are some things that have helped me tremendously. Just Be There I couldn’t sleep in our bed for months. Our bed was...
A few years ago, I found this cute printable that read "Do What Matters" in gold letters. It was pretty and I thought it was, of course, a great positive message. So I printed it, gave it a crafty little paper frame and pinned it to my cubicle wall. "Yeah, what I do matters," I said to myself, like some self-motivating, successful phrase while focusing on whatever I was doing. Two months ago, I lost our third baby. Out of nowhere, at 19 weeks and 5 days, I started leaking and cramping. It just felt like early Braxton Hicks tightness, but I was wrong. I was in pre-term labor. We sat in the emergency room waiting for the OB-GYN when...
Rainbow babies. Thanks to social media and some really beautiful photo shoots, the phrase "rainbow baby" is pretty widely known. But for those who don't know, a rainbow baby is a baby born after a loss. The rainbow after the storm. Both of my babies were born after tremendous losses, and I'm so fortunate we came out the other side.  I got engaged to my college boyfriend my senior year of college. We planned to get married in a year but I started to feel a little funny a week after I walked across the stage. Surprise, surprise! I was pregnant! But the real surprise came after my first ultrasound, and there were two babies! Part of me was excited...
I knew I was pregnant on my twenty-seventh birthday. I had wanted a baby for so long, though, that I didn't want to spoil my birthday if I took a test and it was negative. So the day after my birthday, I took a test and sure enough two pink lines confirmed what I already knew. My friend was one of the first people that I told about the pregnancy. I was in her van, and we pulled over onto the side of the road so she could give me a hug and then we, well, squealed together with excitement. I was a little queasy for a few days, and then it stopped. I thought I had just gotten lucky...

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A Mom’s Guide to Prairieville Plus

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