How to Stand Up to a Bully and Take Your Power Back
Sweet Girls Don’t Always Win – Learn Boundaries
Growing up, girls are taught to be sweet and nice, but no one tells you that you can be a good person, and still have boundaries. I was the ultimate “nice girl,” and this can sometimes be perceived as a weakness to others.
Adult bullies use all kinds of justification for their actions. I was told that the spew of profanities and gaslighting directed at me was because my bully was “passionate.” He became more aggressive anytime I was sick, depressed, had a bad day, simply because he said that he wanted to “help me.” If I cried and broke down, I could see him smile with pleasure. My tears only escalated the abuse. I thought if I didn’t fight back or if I didn’t reduce myself to his level that the abuse would stop. I have learned that you cannot show your weakness or try to rationalize with a bully.
Frenemies and Imposters
In the Corporate world, I have learned how to handle “Snakes” that pretend to befriend you until they have received everything they need from you. Then their true colors come out. I once had a supervisor that pretended to be a friend as I taught her how to use computer system programs that she had no experience with. Once she was proficient with this program, she completely changed on me and tried to belittle me constantly. I used to leave the office in tears. I realized that I didn’t have to take the abuse, and I left for another job. Walk away from toxic people and environments. People will eventually show you who they really are.
Stay Calm and Confident
Bullies often look for a reaction. Try to remain calm, keep your body language confident, and avoid showing fear or anger.
Use Assertive Communication
Be calm and firm and tell the bully to stop. Use phrases like, I don’t like what you are doing,” or “please leave me alone.”
Avoid Physical Confrontation
Focus on your words, walking away or seeking help. Physical fights will only put you in danger and escalate the situation.
Do not Engage – Be a Grey Rock
Abusive people thrive on emotions and drama, so I learned that the best way to deal with bullies was not to show any emotion or give them any response. There is a method floating around these days known as “the grey rock method.” This is where you deliberately act unresponsive or unengaged so that an abusive person will lose interest in you. This is how I learned to keep the peace. All the times I tried to rationalize with the bully, I was never able to have the last word. I had to learn that having the last word is not winning, it is just prolonging the abuse from the other end. Let them have the last word. Bullies seek attention and refusing it can make them lose interest. Leave and don’t engage. Protect your peace at all costs.
Document the Behavior
If the bulling is ongoing, document what is happening, Write down dates, times, and details of each incident. This will be useful in case you need to report it.
Seek Support
Talk to your family, your friends, or someone that you trust. You will feel safer with allies, and they can help you address the problem. Sometimes a third party can help you see the situation more clearly. 
Practice Self Care
Dealing with a bully can emotionally drain you. Take time to care for your mental and physical health by participating in activities that you enjoy. Stay connected with people that support you and seek professional help if needed.
