I Am Not Who I Used to Be

I am not who I used to be. I use words like “potty” and “tummy.” I am more gentle when speaking and will talk to any child I come into contact with.

I am not who I used to be. I no longer stay up past 9:00 p.m. The days are longer now. The evenings are so hectic. My eyes are heavy by the end of the afternoon. I run only on adrenaline now.

I am not who I used to be. My car is always messy. Crumbs and completed school assignments are everywhere. I used to take pride in my car but we are always in it now, so it’s harder to keep clean.

I am not who I used to be. The music I listen to now is different. Now I try to tone down the language and make sure it is appropriate for little ears.

I am not who I used to be. I don’t go shopping for myself like I used to. Long gone are the days where I could spend what I wanted, when I wanted. Children’s clothes are the first to get my dollar now.

I am not who I used to be. Patience is indeed a virtue, and my level of patience is minimal these days. I am always on edge and full of anxiety. My emotions run high now. Raising humans will do that to you.

I am not who I used to be. I have let myself go. There isn’t any time to exercise. Showering is an event and usually done with an audience. I’ve decided to grow my hair out since there isn’t time to get it cut. Makeup is done in a hurry and never on the weekends.

I am not who I used to be. I am not as affectionate as I once was. Kids are always touching me and I miss having my own space.

I am not who I used to be. I probably seem really distracted and I am. There is always so much on my mind that it’s hard sometimes to focus. If I appear as if my mind is wandering, I apologize. So many things needs my attention now.

I am not who I used to be. Weekends are for family activities now. I would love to meet for dinner sometime and catch up but I am sure a birthday party, kid’s games or errands will most probably get in the way.

I am not who I used to be. Birthdays have a whole new meaning now. I push my birthday aside and focus on the birthdays of my children. To them it’s all about fun and to me it means my babies are growing up.

I am not who I used to be. My methods of taking care of things changes as my kids grow. Once upon a time I believed that I knew everything there is to know about raising kids, when in fact I knew so little. I still have so much to learn.

I am not who I used to be. I no longer feel like I have all the time in the world. I now realize how untrue that statement really is. Each day passes in front of me so fast. I try to cram as much family time as I can because I know that too soon it will be gone.

I am not who I used to be and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Motherhood has shaped me into a different person but I love the person it has changed me into.