So, a few months ago, my husband and I were enjoying a little one on one time. The kids were all in bed asleep and we decided to take advantage of the night. No sooner had things ended and I opened my eyes to see our seven year old standing beside the bed, tears in her eyes, “What’s happening??” I panicked, covering my breasts as I yelled, “Oh my gosh! Get out! Get out!” I’m pretty sure we looked like two beached whales as we flailed around for coverings. She ran from the room, crying.
My husband and I freaked out for a few minutes. Our kid had just seen us having sex! OUR KID SAW US HAVING SEX!! What do we do now?! How do we handle this?! A few Google searches later, and I felt armed and ready to tackle this.
Now fully clothed, I snuck into her room to find her in bed still crying. I gave her a hug and told her everything was okay. I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened and she nodded vigorously through her tears. I picked her up and carried her back to our room. My husband still panicked and unsure, sat in bed with an unsure smile plastered on his face. And so began the following conversation:
You know how Mom and Dad have talked to you about your body and your private parts? How no one is supposed to look at them or touch them?
When you’re married, that can change a little bit. And if you and your husband consent, or agree, you can be naked together. There is a little more to it than that, but I don’t think you’re ready just yet for that conversation. I will tell you if you really want to know now, but that’s up to you.
(I can wait.)
What I want you to understand, is that Mom and Dad weren’t hurting each other. There’s nothing wrong with what we were doing. But it’s not something to share with other people. That’s why we reacted like we did. You startled us in a moment that was meant for just Mom and Dad. When you’re grown and married, you get to enjoy each other in ways we will talk about later.
Do you have any questions?
She did, just a few, and we kept the conversation light and honest.
Lying to her was never an option for us, if we lied, maybe she would too one day. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take. But also, like we told her, we weren’t doing anything wrong. My kids know a lot about body parts, consent, and even the birth process — we handle those conversations as they’re asked. Sex is definitely on her time table of conversations to be had, especially since we’re currently discussing puberty (ahead of the curve).
I just felt a midnight conversation about penises inserting into vaginas wouldn’t be the best method; this is a conversation I needed to prepare for, not an off the cuff convo.