Mother’s Day is upon us. That one day a year when children, husbands, fathers, and families nationwide sing well-deserved praises to mothers. Mothering most days is filled with taking care of everyone else often setting aside one’s own wants, needs, and desires. However, for one Sunday in May, we can, hopefully, kick back, relax and enjoy being pampered by our beloved family.
For some of us, Mother’s Day brings with it a reminder of the absence of our own mom. Whether it be death, illness, or choice, not everyone has a mother here to celebrate. The weeks leading up to Mother’s day can be filled with both joy and sadness for those mourning the absence of their mother. Joy for all the blessings motherhood can bring, yet sadness for an emptiness left when one’s own mother is no longer here. No matter the age, the longing for mom does not dissipate.
Finding a Space for Her
This year marks 10 years that I have been without my mom, Bonnie. How nice it is to say her name! She closed her eyes November 23, 2011, never to open them again. Since losing her Mother’s Day is a day I miss her the most. On Mother’s Day, even 10 years after her death, I long for her to be acknowledged, talked about, and remembered. After a death, there is often a misconception that bringing up the individual’s name can make others upset. I find the opposite to be true. Time is a peculiar thing after death. Some days memories with that person seem a lifetime ago while other days memories are much more clear. Hearing a deceased friend or relative’s name can warm one’s heart. Sharing a memory can bring to life the deceased person even if just for a minute. This Mother’s Day if you know someone missing their mom, consider sharing a memory or simply acknowledging their mother in some way. This small deed may be just the thing your friend or family member needs to warm her aching heart.
Momming without Mom
Motherless mothers, that is raising children without your own mother, is the exception not the rule for moms with young children. Often surrounded by friends whose moms are a vital part of their support system, being without your own mom can be lonely. How I wish I could pick up the phone and call my mom to ask about a recipe or tell her about my day. We often chatted about cooking. She loved hearing about my day. Moms want to know every single silly detail of their children’s lives. This does not change with adult children. With my mom, there was no detail too small when it came to sharing. She had my back ALWAYS. No matter the situation or circumstance she was on my side. Although Mother’s Day also brings great joy and incredible gratitude for my own children, I always hold that little piece of heaviness and longing for my mom. Inside of that heaviness and longing is where she dwells. My love for her holding strong 10 years later.