Why? My firstborn child, the kid who made me a mom and sometimes made me question God, is turning 16 this week!
I am not ready! My heart physically hurts. I did not anticipate having all these emotions. It’s not like I haven’t been a very present mother. I’ve written the be present in the moment blog. I know I haven’t taken our precious time for granted, yet I still feel the loss. I feel him slipping away. I mean he’s doing what he’s supposed to do. He’s growing up! I don’t want him to stop. Shoot, I can’t afford to feed him forever. (He’s a teen boy after all.) But if I could just freeze some of these last few years I think I might try.
I’ve been blessed he’s a regular teen – he grunts and gripes and makes messes. But. He’s also amazing, he’s one of my favorite people and dare I say one of my closest friends. I like our relationship; I’m not ready for the future to be so close. Yet, it is. 16 means in two years he’ll be leaving and going on a new journey. A journey without me. I hope and pray I’m equipping him for this world. I hope I’m able to let go when I’m supposed to.
For now, I’m hanging on for dear life, weepy and all! I know 16 is supposed to be sweet, but right now it feels bittersweet.