Last weekend’s game against LA Tech got a little precarious towards the end. Was anyone else’s superfan in meltdown mode? My husband Matt kept shaking his head and saying “It’s going to be another Troy” in an uncharacteristically high tone of voice. And no, he wasn’t referring to the 2004 movie called “Troy” that starred an overly bronzed and muscular Brad Pitt (which would have certainly been an upgrade to the third quarter). Troy University is an unranked, non-conference school that beat LSU last year in Tiger Stadium, during Homecoming week. It was a total embarrassment and has become a recurring nightmare for many superfans that is only whispered about in trusted circles.
Matt was already on edge, because he had been forced to watch the first half of the game with all three of our kids awake and at full throttle. This is when the “mostly amused” portion of watching an LSU football game with my superfan usually takes place. Every flop on the couch or randomly shouted show tune sends my normally calm husband into a series of exasperated pleas for peace and quiet. I try to demonstrate a show of solidarity by asking the girls to be calm while Daddy watches football, but I can’t help but giggle. They get into hair-pulling and fist-fighting altercations every time they have to share a buggy at the grocery store. Good luck with getting them to chill at home without Disney Jr. shows on the television. Thankfully, bedtime coincided with halftime, and Matt was able to give all of his concentration and superfan energy to the entire 2nd half. As of press time, he has rewatched the game more than what is necessary for a lay person and is beyond informed enough to let you know what superfans care about before the Ole Miss game.
LSU doesn’t seem to want to play the third quarter.
I’m not sure what goes on in that locker room at halftime. Maybe the players sneak out to watch the The Golden Band turn up. (Did y’all see the formations!?! They are on fire this year.) Or maybe no one can understand what Coach Orgeron is saying, so it takes most of the third quarter to transcribe the motivational speech. Who knows? But the team can’t seem to get it together in the third quarter. The proof is in the stats. Superfan-approved statistic alert: LSU has only scored a total of nine points in the third quarter of four games.
Kick Tracy is not the only non-human that kicks the ball on LSU’s football team.
News Flash! The kicker is the one who kicks the ball between the goal posts. The punter is the player that kicks it to the other team. And apparently, the punter is reaching non-human status, as well. Superfan fun fact: LSU’s punter, Zach Von Ronseberg (Try saying that three times. Sheesh!) is averaging 48 yards a punt and is heading towards being named All-SEC. (I’m not sure of the parameters, but that roughly translates into “really good.”) The last time we had a punter with that average was with Brad Wing in 2011. We won a National Championship that year. And, yes, that is the second time this season that my superfan has referenced a championship year.
Superfans love to hate Ole Miss.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard my husband say that he would cheer for any team in the SEC except Ole Miss. And, it’s true. They are the worst. Matt has a long list of grievances that looks hilariously similar to Michael Scott’s list of reasons why he hated Toby on the “The Office.” One of Matt’s favorite talking points is: “They think they’re good, but they aren’t. They can’t even decide on a mascot. They changed it to a shark, because they had a good defense for one season that was nicknamed ‘The Land Sharks.’ They aren’t even good anymore.” Along with their identity crisis (eye roll), Ole Miss always manages to win one conference game per season that they weren’t expected to win. And the worst part is that they are on probation and can’t even play in a bowl game. Seriously, Ole Miss. “Why are you the way that you are?”
So, that’s the insight I have for you this week. We are attending a wedding this weekend, and Matt has already commented that the reception will be in full swing when the Ole Miss game starts, like it’s a good thing. I almost shut it down, but then I remembered that the groom and all of his friends are superfans too. Looks like I will be inducting the newest member of my slightly interested, mostly amused wife of a superfan club this weekend.