To My Abusive Ex-Husband’s New Girlfriend

As soon as I heard about you, I looked you up on Facebook. My heart broke when I saw you’re a mom. I scrolled through your page. While I know everything is not as it seems online, you seem like a nice person. You seem like a good mom.

Being a single mom is hard. Trust me, I know. Being a single mom that is balancing romance with mothering is hard. However, being a single mom in a toxic relationship… that’s something I would not wish on anyone.

My friends and family want to reach out to you. They want to send you his page on the sheriff’s inmate roster. They want to send you the narrative I wrote to obtain a protective order to get away from him.

I told them all that would be useless. Chances are, you know he’s been arrested multiple times. He has found a story to defend that. You’ve probably been told I’ve made everything in that protective order about him up so that I could keep him away from our daughter.

Here’s the thing, I fought for that marriage. I fought hard for it. I read so many marriage books. Researched marriage counselors thoroughly. I subconsciously found different ways to water myself down because my existence felt like an inconvenience to him. I constantly found ways to improve myself because I had it in my head that things would get better if I could be a perfect person.

And I prayed constantly.

I prayed over him while he slept the day after he kicked me. I prayed for him by the ocean when he abandoned me on vacation. I prayed so many mornings alone at the kitchen table for him. I prayed in the middle of an argument. I prayed when I had no idea where he was. I prayed.

But I know all of this means nothing to you.

I heard his story on why the girlfriend before me didn’t work out. I heard and believed all the stories about how his illegal behavior was nothing to worry about. I even believed the physical and emotional abuse I suffered were simple marriage problems that needed to be worked through. So, I know you’re being fooled the same way I was.

These people that come in and tell these stories look for people like you. They look for nice people that are willing to work on themselves. They look for people they can easily gaslight and manipulate.

These people can’t be fixed by any positivity you bring to their lives. There’s nothing you can do to change these people. There’s nothing you can do to encourage them to change.

So now, my praying shifts to you. I pray you recognize your worth for yourself and what an important role you bring to your kids’ lives. I pray you do not let this man run you into the ground like he did the rest of us.

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