Brace yourselves… The Elf on the Shelf is coming!!!
Or, he’s already here for all of the moms who were actually on top of things enough to pull him out of the Christmas decor box on time. I mean, I don’t know where in the world I even put my tree, but I’m glad you could find that tiny, creepy little elf in the pile of clutter in time for his arrival (or do your houses not have piles of clutter and that’s why I’m so bad at the elf thing? It all makes sense.) But really though, as if I need one more thing to add to my list of ways I can fail as a parent!
I don’t know who thought this would be a good idea. No one asked me that’s for sure! I mean, shouldn’t moms get together and take a vote on these things before we decide to do them so that my kids aren’t hearing all these stories about elfin characters that visit their friends’ houses and feel all left out? Or worse, before my kid is the one telling your kid that Santa isn’t real!!! Oh geez. I think it’s time for me to homeschool again. For everyone’s sake…
I don’t do Santa, maybe that’s the beginning of the end for me. I don’t not do Santa out of moral misgivings or what have you (maybe a little bit for that reason, but a lot more for another reason). I don’t do Santa because maybe I’m a little bit selfish ok! Maybe I don’t like to work my butt off and get my kids all the awesome presents they want and say, “Look what Santa brought you!” NO. Me. I did it. Also, as if a fat man breaking into my house stealing all my hard earned glory isn’t enough, he now has to send a spy too? Really, Santa? I’m trying to teach my kids about the over reach of the government in our lives, and I’m supposed to welcome your little minion to make sure we’re all being good little boys and girls? Why is this parenting thing so hard?!
Also, if I understand this elf thing correctly, I am supposed to make up cute little things to do every day with it. Umm, I have my kids eat breakfast at school because I don’t want to wake up one second earlier than I absolutely have to (why does school start SO early by the way?!), but in the spirit of Christmas I’m supposed to not only be up, but be happy and creative and enjoyable enough to do cute little elfin activities? No. That is not Christmas cheer. I’m sorry.
And what’s with the destructive elf? I’ve spent 6 years teaching my kids NOT to do all these things then this little elf ,who is supposed to be making sure we are all behaving, gets to go and break all the rules? Or worse, give my kids even more ideas on how to misbehave? Is hypocrisy an ok thing for us to teach now? Again, this parenting thing is hard. I can’t keep up.
Don’t get me wrong, I have friends who totally rock at the elf. I mean, they are Pinterest perfect (rock on Pinterest perfect moms!) I will raise my cup of coffee to them and be thankful that I didn’t have to spend an hour and a half setting up an elf scene before bed. I also have plenty of friends who get an “A” for effort. It’s totally ok that your elf went into a coma on day 12 and hasn’t moved from the mantle since then. Just tell your kids they’re being so bad they actually killed him. That should work right? (No? See this is definitely why I don’t do the elf.) I will raise my coffee to you too, more in an “I told you so” kinda way, and maybe a little bit of solidarity because I would totally be you if I actually attempted. But, hey, at least you tried. Which is more than I can say for myself.
No matter your preference on the elf, I won’t judge you for thinking it’s a good idea if you won’t judge me for thinking it’s a bad one. Although, in all honesty, when my niece told my kids she was going to tell her elf (Sparkles or Glitter or whatever his name is because you have to actually name the darn thing too…) to tell Santa they were being bad so they couldn’t get any presents I came *this* close to telling her it was ok because Santa isn’t really real anyway. I wouldn’t of course, because (in spite of what people may believe since I don’t do Santa and think the Elf is actually insane) I’m not really a horrible person.
Enjoy your elfin spy person, and check out Allison’s post here about how much she loves her family’s elf. I’ll be over here sticking it to the man and taking all the credit!