I can’t believe you and I meet again so soon. A year ago during the beginning of your month, I was on bed rest awaiting my due date, February 16th, for my baby boy. Three days from now, a year-ago-Mommy would be giving birth to her 3rd baby boy 2 weeks early on a Monday night (which is funny because my nickname for his Daddy is “Monday of People” on my phone but that, dear readers, is another story).
As I unpack the Amazon box of Baby Shark birthday party decorations, my thoughts return to February 4th, 2019.
I was scheduled to go to the doctor the very next morning since my OB/GYN was off on Mondays. I had gestational diabetes and Preeclampsia and I had become high-risk. I knew the doctor was going to give me the date he would perform my c-section at that appointment. My bed rest had been working so well at keeping my blood pressure down, I really and truly felt like I was finally going to have one of my boys on their due date. That rainy night, my older boys were at baseball practice. I was listening to music on my headphones. I decided to take out the garbage. After all, it would only be a few seconds on my feet. I felt great, I knew I could do it.
Apparently, I couldn’t.
I awakened (nearly 30 minutes later) to Monday hovering over me, headphones still playing on a now-broken phone. I was lying on my back next to the trash can in the rain, I had succumbed to a blood pressure seizure. Needless to say, we raced to Woman’s Hospital, I was almost immediately admitted and about 2 1/2 hours later, I was wheeled into surgery. I prayed and prayed, for my baby, for myself and his dad that everything would go right.
And it did. My healthy, 5 lb 14 oz 19 inches long precious baby boy was born. I remember crying the minute I saw his sweet little face. I remember the joy and the look of new love on his daddy’s face. It was such a whirlwind night, I barely had time to come to terms with it all. He was born late that evening, at 10:45 PM to be exact. It was almost Tuesday, but my adorable son wasn’t going to wait to get his life started.
In an instant, I was a mommy to an infant again. Minutes after the surgery, the nurse placed him in my arms to be nursed. It had been 7 years since my last baby and before the nurse could finish saying, “It’s okay if he doesn’t latch on right away,” my little guy had already latched on perfectly, as if he wasn’t early, as if he was born ahead of the game.
That has been this whole year with my babe. He has never slowed down, he has hit every milestone earlier than his brothers (first teeth, crawling, etc.), and now he watches them and I can see the determination in his eyes as he tries to catch up to them. I truly didn’t expect this year to fly by or to feel like I’m already having to hold on tightly to my sweetheart as he, my brave one, is tenaciously hell-bent on gaining autonomy.
As I string up his birthday banner, tears form. His first birthday party is tomorrow and while it will be fun and full of celebration, I can’t help mourning all that has changed since last February in what seems like the blink of an eye. I am both excited and saddened about his growing up. Maybe all mommies feel this way at this point in their baby’s life.
It’s his party and I’ll cry if I want to, okay?!
I’m having all of the thoughts today as I prepare for his first birthday, I thought I’d share them all with you, no matter how candid they might be …
A little crazy and a lot of fun, I can’t believe my baby’s turning one:
1.) What happened to 2019?! It flew by faster than Lizzo likes her Tempo!
2.) I survived everything! Blood pressure seizures, surgery, sleepless nights, nursing and weaning.
3.) He did, too!
4.) Who knew I could survive on 2 hours of sleep at a time and still function?
5.) I miss breastfeeding and the closeness we had together, he’s growing more independent by the day.
6.) I also miss the breastfeeding poos because the green bean ones aren’t fun; yes, I said what I said!
7.) I also miss whenever he didn’t fight every diaper change; I’m not limber enough for these gymnastics.
7.) Is he going to drink regular milk now?
8.) I don’t think it’s fair that I still have a muffin top. They should give tummy tucks in C-sections. You know? While we’re right there. It’s the least the doctor could do.
9.) I started on his baby book, but haven’t put anything in it – in 3 months – why do I suck so much at that?
10.) Speaking of, I don’t have anything for this year but iPhone and hospital newborn pictures of him! What are these gonna look like 18 years from now at graduation? Or will he care if he knows I have thousands of pictures of him and I don’t care if they’re professional because I’d rather remember him how we saw him?
11.) He’s sleeping through the night now and somehow romantic nights have still taken a backseat.
12.) Now that he’s one, will it be easier to find a babysitter?
13.) Is he still a baby?
14.) OMG, he’s a mini-person!
15.) Crap, I forgot to buy juice boxes for the birthday party!
16.) Do little kids like Lacroix?
17.) Is he going to remember any of his party?
18.) Will he even remember Baby Shark?
19.) I think I could do all of this again.
20.) Is he my last baby?
I’d love to know what other Mamas thoughts were on their baby’s first birthday!