Once I found out I was having a little boy, I was elated. I heard it from everywhere, “Oh, boys just love their mommas!” I couldn’t wait for the kisses, snuggles, and crying for me and only me. Call me a bit self-absorbed, but after 10 months of carrying the boy and 21 months of nursing, I was ready to sit back and soak up all the admiration.
Buuut that never happened.
My son is the biggest daddy’s boy that ever existed! And I’ll be honest, I’ve let a 2-year-old hurt my feelings from time to time as he scraped his knee and ran past me to reach for daddy and demand his boo-boo kisses. Or when he wakes up in the morning and calls “daaaaddy!” Or more recently when we were playing catch, and once his daddy walked in the room, Judah reached for my glove and said, “Daddy play now.” Break.my.heart.
But, then I have to remind myself in those moments that my son is not here to make me feel needed or loved–and that it’s kind of wonderful to sit back and watch how sweet it is to see a little boy so entranced by everything his daddy does.
And once I just kind of get over myself, I quickly realize that I do have my moments. They just aren’t what I expected–or in the company of many to see just how much I’m loved by the little guy. For example, every time I bathe him, he always asks me to sing his favorite sunshine song once he’s all wrapped in his towel and draped over my lap. I sing it a few times and he just curls up and grins. I took this moment for granted, assuming this was just part of his bathtime routine since his daddy bathes him more. But, when I asked Joel if he sang Judah any other songs after bathtime besides “You are My Sunshine,” he just looked at me puzzled and said, “Judah doesn’t ever ask me to sing to him after bathtime.”
I realized instantly that by comparing my role with my husband’s that I had robbed myself from seeing how special those small moments between bathtime and bedtime were. I was meeting a need I didn’t even know he had. As parents, we serve different roles and even those are going to evolve and change as our kids get older. In fact, I’ve been kissing a lot more boo-boos and wiping away tears these days, and it’s been wonderful.
So now when I’m drying off my baby boy at night and he looks up at me and asks, “Sunshine?,” I just kind of melt because I know that as off-pitched as I sound, he is happy as can be and wouldn’t want anyone else there but me.