A year and a half ago my husband and I got married so I suppose you could say, technically we’re still in the “newlywed” stage. But given our circumstances, this stage has certainly been accelerated.
This is because both my husband and I have been married (not to each other) and divorced before. We met at work and after a few years we decided to get married over boudin balls and streetcars. No fancy proposal and not even a ring, and I wanted it that way. When I told family and friends we were going to get married I don’t think they even believed me. We jetted off about 6 months later to San Francisco and eloped at City Hall. Quite a change from the very expensive weddings we both had previously. There was also a guest at this wedding who wasn’t at my last … my son.
Having a child makes you go zero to one hundred quickly when you’re dating, hence the whole accelerated notion I discussed earlier. Firstly, it takes a super special person to want to take on the role of “bonus parent.” It’s something you can’t enter lightly and building a relationship takes time. My husband didn’t have any children from his first marriage, but it was still an adjustment for all of us. He is a lot more structured whereas I’m way more of a free spirit. Since we didn’t have those first few baby years together where you kind of organically figure out your routine and parenting style, it was a crash course. A couple of years later we are still trying to navigate a cohesive parenting style, and I’m sure that’s a challenge that most couples with children from a previous relationship share.
I do my best to hear my husband out, and truthfully that can be hard. Just like listening to outside political views, we can be stubborn to listen to other ideas concerning the most precious thing we have, our kids. But the guy I married is great and was raised right so these days I let him take the lead and so far, it’s been working out. My husband and son love and respect each other and I know how lucky I am.