Being the Tooth Fairy: The Worst Job Ever

Mornings are known for their routine in my household. Wake up, get ready for school, eat breakfast, and then go to school. Some mornings run as expected. I spend ten minutes forcing a nine year old to wake up and then another 45 minutes threatening children to ensure that they are on time for school. And then there are other mornings when the tooth fairy completely jacks up the routine. After finally getting the nine year old up, I must then answer questions about why the tooth fairy didn’t come or explain how that wasn’t me who lifted his pillow when he was sleeping.

The tooth fairy is constantly being set up to fail in my house. Immediately after waking my son up one morning, he checks under his pillow only to find his tooth was still there. Of course, it was no fault of the tooth fairy because she was never even informed that a tooth fell out. Have you ever had a job where your boss frequently asked if you performed a task without first telling you to perform the task? No? Well, then become a tooth fairy. Or having a boss tell you at bedtime that a crisp one dollar bill is needed before sunrise?

Being the tooth fairy is definitely the worst job I have ever had. Most recently, my son lost his umpteenth tooth. Like the good tooth fairy that I am, I woke up in the middle of the night and searched under my son’s pillow for his tooth. No tooth. After another search and still finding no tooth, I gave up. When I woke him up a few short hours later, he immediately lifted his teddy bear and saw his tooth. I then had to jump into damage control mode and try to explain that the tooth fairy only checks pillows and probably didn’t come because proper tooth fairy protocol was not followed. Fast forward to the next night, I checked under the pillow again. No tooth. I checked under the teddy. No tooth. I even contracted the job out to my husband who thought it would be a good idea to shine the phone’s flashlight in our son’s face to see if he was sleep or not. Needless to say, we aborted the mission and the tooth fairy failed again. Of course, the tooth was under the teddy bear again but after waking my son I quickly fled the scene to avoid questioning.  

In the past, the tooth fairy was forced to be creative with gifts because with three children who lose teeth like socks, back to back visits are inevitable. When surprised with a tooth at bedtime, the tooth fairy lucked up and found an unused gift card in a drawer. And another time, grabbed an unopened toy from the gift closet in lieu of cash.

Most recently, after my son caught on to my double life, he walked into the room and screamed “Mom is the tooth fairy. The tooth fairy is not real. Santa is real though.”

At least I still have that job.


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