Recently, a celebrity couple announced their split on social media. The short non-explanation announced they were splitting after 10 years as they had grown apart. I made the mistake of reading some of the thousands of comments keyboard warriors had left.
Part of me wasn’t surprised to see these comments, while another part of me was absolutely appalled.
It’s Her Fault.
Some blamed the wife for being too ambitious in her career and him stepping up to run the household and be the primary caregiver for the kids – “it was over when he retired and let her wear the pants.” It is 2020 people. Gender-specific roles in the home is so 1950. Men are more than capable of handling the household and children while women take on a more career-centric role without disturbing their relationship. This is not something that would cause a couple to grow apart if they are in it together and agree on how their family will function.
Reality TV Ruins Everything.
Some blamed their reality tv show for the split. While reality shows can bring differences to the forefront, again – we can’t solely blame tv cameras and a show for a split.
Others asked them to try counseling and still others demanded they get back together and “think about the kids.” Oh, man. I bet they didn’t think about that [insert huge eye roll and the highest level of sarcasm]. They most likely spoke with a counselor as most healthy couples would if they experiencing relationship issues and contemplating such a huge decision that will change their familial dynamic forever. Staying together for the kids is not a reason to stay together. Showing your children that happiness and being true to yourself is and modeling healthy relationships is infinitely more important than staying in a marriage that is not working anymore.
I Knew It.
The worst – “I knew they would never make it. She’s just not right for him. She’s too high maintenance.” PEOPLE. YOU DON’T KNOW THEM. You may know the history they have chosen to share with the general public, their fans, and tv viewers. But you don’t know them. You don’t know who they truly are inside, what they want out of a partner, and what they envision their future to be. People grow and change and sometimes, that growth and change affect the relationships they have with significant others, friends, and family members. Some grow together and others grow apart. No one is at fault for that – it happens sometimes.
Here’s the deal. Whether it’s a celebrity couple that we’ve watched on reality television for a few years or our cousin or neighbor, guess what? It’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You have no idea what is going on in their relationship. You have no clue what is happening behind closed doors. You don’t get to judge others for taking action when something isn’t working for them.
Do you walk up to strangers in a grocery store and tell them they aren’t going to make it? That he or she isn’t “right” for their significant other? Without ever truly knowing them, spending time with them individually and as a couple, it would be absolutely ludicrous to think that you know what is best for someone else whom you don’t even know.
So let’s stop assuming we know what is happening in the lives of others, throwing our “relationship counseling” expertise around on the internet and agree to let people live their lives, make decisions that they KNOW is best for them and their family and support people instead.