My heart is broken, and so is my marriage. They weren’t broken all at once by some horrible act. Little pieces have been chipped away over time.
Sometimes, I wish that giving up was an option. It’s not, and I don’t really want to, but I’m exhausted, and hope seems so out of reach.
How do you cope when you are fighting for your marriage and your spouse seems to be going through the motions? But then, am I really fighting for us? Or fighting against him?
Am I so used to being let down that I am expecting it, and jumping on any opportunity to complain? Or are we working on practical ways to bring us closer together?
I really don’t know. I battle with these thoughts hourly, wondering if I am possibly the sole problem in this mess.
I feel like I’m going crazy when I try to sort it all out. I have been dissolved to sobs more times than I’d like to admit.
I feel broken.
So for now, I will look for opportunities to honor him until it feels natural again.
I will pray for our marriage to be an example of the Jesus, and for our hearts to be healed through His power.
I will compliment him on the little things so he feels supported, even when I’m feeling all alone.
I will make an effort to reconnect with him and date him to help us remember why we’re in this.
And I will continue to fight, even when I have no fight left in me.
Because this is my marriage. He is my person. And we will make it right again.