Five Questions You Never Ask A Mom

Every time I have a baby, I am asked questions that make me scratch my head. But with the birth of my latest baby, I have been asked questions that just down right confuse me. I get that people don’t understand how it sounds, but really people, listen to yourself and see how crazy the question is! Here is a list of my favorite ridiculous questions.

5 Questions to Never Ask A Mom

“Is she a good baby?”
Well, that depends… What is a GOOD baby? What is a BAD baby? Are you asking if she sits peacefully and never cries? Does she nurse well? What? What IS a good baby? Being asked this question after my first two, I never thought anything of it. They were “good” babies by most standards. Was my 3rd baby easy? NO! Not. At. All. In fact, she has been my hardest by far. But I would still never deem her a “bad” baby. Would you tell someone their baby was bad? So why ask if she is good?!

“Is she sleeping through the night?”
Although I know some people have babies that sleep for long periods of time at a very early age, this is not the norm. I used to think people who said their babies slept through the night just left them to cry. To those women, I apologize. My second child showed me that some kids sleep exceptionally well, but most don’t. And that’s ok too! Since sleep is a cognitive function, babies will “sleep through the night” when they are ready. I just wouldn’t recommend asking a new mom, who is still adjusting to this new little life she is responsible for, if the baby is sleeping through the night. Chances are the baby isn’t, and in her sleep deprived state she may want to punch you in your face!

“Are you going to keep trying for a boy?”
So I realize I have 3 girls. I realize the thought of this is horrifying to some. It’s not to me. Okay, honestly it was a little horrifying for me too! But then I had 3 girls. I love each of my girls for the individuality. I love the pink! I love the loud shrieks! And I actually love the drama…probably won’t during the teenage years! Yes, I want more children. Boy or girl doesn’t matter to me. Happy, healthy, and loving does. I’m not going to set my next child up to be the disappointment if I have another girl. I’m going to love her the same…and buy some ear plugs…and save for another wedding!

“Was she planned?”
My youngest two girls are 17 months apart. Was my baby planned? Define planned? No, we were not “trying” but we weren’t “avoiding”. So yes, she was planned. We are adults. We knew what we were doing and what the result might be! But either way, how is that an appropriate thing to ask a new mom?!

“Do they have the same dad?”
I bet you are thinking, “Who would ask that?” I thought the same thing the first time someone asked me. Since then I have perfected the “did you really just say that” dumbfound look on my face. If you ever meet me in public, ask to see it! For the record, yes, all three of my girls have the same dad. I understand how my 4 year old who has dark hair and green eyes and is tall and slender for her height, looks different than my 20 month old who has blonde hair, blue eyes and is short and chunky. That does not give someone the right to ask that. It is called genetics! We are all different! And so what if they had different dads? Why is that necessary information that a stranger needs to know about me?!

These are just some of the questions people have asked me that cause me to chuckle on the inside. I know they are (usually) asked with good intentions. I have good intentions by not going Chuck Norris on them when they ask!

What inappropriate questions have you been asked since becoming a parent?

Lisa is a 29-year-old Baton Rouge area native. After high school, she applied for and auditioned with New York University’s Theatre Education program. Before she heard if she was accepted, she met the man of her dreams and never opened the letter from NYU! She instead remained close to home and attended LSU. In 2007 she married Daniel, a fire fighter. In 2010 she gave birth to their daughter Ava Elise, and then in 2013, she gave birth to their second daughter, Emmeline Margaret. They have suffered the loss of five pregnancies, which has helped shape their goals and ideas as parents. Lisa’s favorite thing to do is spend time with her family any chance she can. She practices gentle parenting and natural living. Her hobbies include cooking and decorating for any holiday. You will often find her and her family at festivals, parades, and any event with a good Swamp Pop band playing. She is an active member of the Diocese of Baton Rouge Catholic Engaged Encounter community, which holds retreats for engaged couples to help them be better prepared for marriage. More than anything, Lisa loves to laugh and smile and give glory to God.

5 COMMENTS

  1. I never understood the ‘is he a good baby’ either. And AMEN to the ‘Does he sleep through the night?’. We’re going on 10 months and the answer to that is NO. So, Yes, a punch in the face just might follow that question!!

  2. After my daughter was born her great aunt came to see her for the first time and kept saying “she’s a keeper”. What is that supposed to mean? If she were slightly less cute or cried a little more she wouldn’t be a keeper. She did it with my second one too.
    Also my oldest daughter has darker hair than I do and the younger one lighter hair. I got all kinds of ‘where did she get that hair?’ with both of them. I am not a geneticist, I don’t know how it all works.

  3. I can see how the two last ones are inappropriate. Actually, kind of rude depending on who asked… Wait, someone who is close enough to ask would not do it because they would already know the answer. Definitely rude to ask those.
    Ok, now, for the other three… After becoming a mom, the main change I noticed in myself (leaving aside mom-related stuff) is that my patience with adults is minimum. I have not the time nor the energy to deal with adult drama or nonsense. Yet I can see how certain questions are not questions-questions but attempts to start/continue conversation or even an opportunity for the mom to complain and get some stress out of her system. By the way, I have not seen anyone asking a mom with a baby who is driving her nuts if s/he is a good baby… Hint 😉
    My favorite questions are always the ones about “planning to have babies”, such a sweet way to ask about your sex life, but oh how amusing are their shocked faces when I point that out }:)

  4. What the heck is a “good” baby? They’re all little humans with their good moments and their bad moments. The question that sticks in my mind is when a stranger asks if she’s breastfed. This person asked me and I hesitated because What?! Why would you ask that? The baby is fed, that’s the most important part!

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