I bought this necklace the December after we had Judah. It falls right above my heart and seemed like the perfect “push present” (to myself), and I have worn it practically every day since. And then one day it hit me: Where is my husband’s representation by my heart? Once I received my “Judah” necklace, I put up my “J” necklace that I wore (which stood for Joel)—and I didn’t think twice about it.
I know that is a simple example, but it stopped me in my tracks as I found my faded “J” necklace in the back of a drawer. I think we, as moms, tend to make our children our life and number one priority—without even realizing. Date nights are forgotten, sweet emails or notes disappear, and kisses or meaningful conversations go by the wayside. Before you know it, your newborn is a toddler and priority for your spouse has been replaced with unending grocery trips, diaper changes, and playdates.
It’s a hard balance to attain because we truly love our husbands, and deep down we think we are better moms for putting our children before our marriages. But I wondered: Since when did being a “better mom” become more important than being a better wife? I think sometimes we get it backwards. Being intentional with our spouses first, taking into account their needs first, looking for ways to show them you love them first—will do something great for your marriage and family.
It will remind you what it looks like to love the man who made you a mother. Your marriage is important—nourish it. Your family is precious—protect it. A thriving marriage is a shining example to your kids that they are important, but so is dad and so is mom.
The joy of this setup that I have found is that the more I make my husband a priority, the more I am made a priority. It’s a natural give-and-take when both people in a marriage are acting selflessly. The burdens are shared, arguments decrease, appreciation is felt, and you are able to put your children first—together as a couple. Our child’s needs get met by both of us because our needs are being met by each other.
It’s a beautiful connection that takes time and effort, and I know the thought of “making your spouse your priority” seems a bit blasphemous as a mom, but I am only speaking from my personal experience. When I choose to love my husband first, I am able to love my child better. It’s certainly not fool-proof or perfect—but it’s a start.
So while I am still wearing my Judah gold-bar necklace, I know now that it’s just a symbol next to my heart—and that Judah’s dad has first dibs.
Top: Amanda Causey Photography | Middle and Bottom: Santangelo Photography