Multi-tasking. Outside of laundry and cleaning bathrooms, it is the bane of my existence. I hate multi-tasking. So why do I? I do this out of necessity, not out of love for it. I truly wish I had more time in the day – more time to clean, fold clothes, prepare meals, prepare for the next day, cuddle with both of the kids at separate times, play with them, sit down to eat a meal, spend more time building robots and playing pretend with the toddler, exercising … and the list goes on and on. I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with my husband in the evening, giving him all of my attention and energy – even if it is just for five minutes.
I have to hold the baby in a sling while I cook dinner so she will nap. I have to feed her while the toddler is in the bathtub, making it impossible for me to play with his sharks and boats, even when he begs me to. I sometimes rush to bathe the toddler so that I can feed and bathe baby and get her to bed. I sometimes push the kids off on my husband in the evening so I can cook dinner, do laundry, and answer work emails. I hate telling my child no when he asks me to play with or hold him. I hate telling him no because I don’t have time.
I hope my family knows that I am multi-tasking out of necessity.
I multi-task for survival. It is not fun for me. I wish I could give 100% of my attention to one task/one person at a time, but there just isn’t enough time in the day. I am trying to give my husband and the kids more of my attention – more one-on-one time. I pray that they understand I have lots to do – too much to do most of the time. And I pray that they don’t hold that against me. It’s exhausting and there are plenty of nights I ask myself if I did enough.
DID I DO ENOUGH?!
Did I reassure the kids they are loved, safe and that we are proud of them? Did I give my husband and the kids enough attention? Did I give my toddler enough space to make mistakes and learn from them? Did I allow him to be independent (as much as a three-year-old can)? Did my family suffer because I had other things to take care of? Did I engage the kids enough during our drives to and from daycare and once we got home? Do they feel loved?
I don’t know. I can only try again tomorrow and pray they see that my “busyness” is for them.