Why I Choose to Put My Husband First

Being a mom is hard!  We somehow have to be an entertainer, a cook, a maid, a doctor, give magic hugs and scare away the monster under the bed, sometimes all in one day!  Then after the kids finally go to bed and you have just a moment to breathe, you remember there is this handsome man with whom you share your house.  How are we supposed to have time to be a wife too?

My husband and I recently celebrated our 12th anniversary. As we celebrated, we reflected on years past. We have an almost 11-year-old son who will soon be starting middle school and an almost 5-year-old daughter who will soon be braving the halls of kindergarten.  A few years ago, my husband and I felt like we never actually saw each other.  I mean, we both were asleep in the same bed at night but we would wake up and go our separate ways every day.  This had to stop.

US - Marriage

Many may disagree with my next statement, but there is sound reasoning behind it! I believe my relationship with my husband has to be my first priority before my relationship with my children.  I know! You’re looking at your screen thinking this woman is crazy, but just hear me out.  After our foundation in God, our marriage is the foundation of our family.  If we are happy as a couple than we are happy as Mom and Dad, and our little munchkins are happy kids.  Our relationship was first, and we have to maintain that relationship for our happiness and to model to our children what a healthy relationship looks like.

Our kids are growing up before our eyes and with every year that passes, I get a little more emotional about them growing up.  Am I excited to see them grow and discover who they are?  Absolutely! With anything, there is fear associated with the unknown.  The bottom line is, one day our kids are going to be out of our house on their own adventure in this world. When these little ones become big ones, I want to have known, loved, and cherished this handsome man I share my house with.  I want to go on weekend trips to see places we have never been.  I want to laugh about funny things we did as a family and maybe drink a glass of wine snuggled next to a fireplace.

My life cannot revolve entirely around my kids for the next 20 years. My husband needs to be a focal point. A wise friend once said that you should picture each you and your husband as having an account at an emotional bank. Spending quality time with your spouse is putting a deposit into their emotional account. I want to fill my husband’s emotional bank up! In turn, he will be a happier man to others, most importantly our children. If our emotional banks are filled, this will overflow to our children, giving them all the love and quality time they desire! I believe this with every fiber in my body.

Here is my promise to my husband:  I promise to make time to be a wife to you, watch football with you and even ask you questions about who is playing, date you now and for the next 60 years, to put down my phone, look you in the eye, and steal a kiss!  You are my life partner! My lover! Daddy to my kids! You are also the man who can make me laugh and smile in less than pleasant times.

I want to encourage you to date your husband. Maybe even recreate a date or two from when you first started dating!  Find a babysitter. My kids love when we have a couple teenagers that we know come over for a few hours. The kids enjoy freedom from parents, and we enjoy a dinner without interruption (maybe even a little wine)! Ladies, when your kids are grown, make sure you and your husband will have something to talk about! This is only a small phase in a very long relationship.

However you are celebrating this weekend, whether with a partner or with your kids or both, from all of the Red Stick Mamas — wishing you all a very Happy Valentines’ Day!

Tiffany is happily married to her high school sweetheart, Desmond. Together they get to play the roles of Mommy and Daddy to Micah, a gifted Math Wiz of a teenager who is always making people laugh, and Keilyn, a spunky, flower loving, dancing girl who will stop and talk to anyone she meets. She was born and raised in Baton Rouge and has Cajun blood running through her veins. She works full time outside of the home in business administration. She started the journey of motherhood young but wouldn’t have it any other way. Her children have taught her to laugh, play and that sometimes it’s ok not to have a plan! She has a passion for teenagers and is an active mentor in her church’s youth group. In her rare free time she enjoys shopping, coffee, and date nights with her husband. She believes that everyone has a story to tell and enjoys meeting new people, making people laugh, and spending time with friends and family.


  1. Tiffany you are still so sweet as I remember you when we were teenagers! I am not married or even dating anyone yet but I truly enjoyed reading this I couldn’t agree with you more and hopefully sooner than later God will bless me with a wonderful man to share my life with and to be an amazing stepdad to my kids may God continue to bless your family!


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