Kids {Make Us} Say the Darndest Things!

There was a time in my life when I used to say things that made some sort of sense – a time, pre-children when I could finish a thought uninterrupted and not stop mid-thought to tell my child to get something OUT OF YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW. I realize that a lot of the things that come out of my mouth these days sound downright crazy.

We are both surprised at the crazy things Mama says these days!

But the truth is that sometimes being a parent of a toddler  means that “There’s a sentence I never thought I would say!” crosses my mind on a regular basis. I’ve polled a few friends and some of our contributors with the question, “What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever said to your child?” 

Here are some of my favorites … names withheld to protect the guilty!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever said to your child? 

From the moms of older kids:

  • You’re going to eat a bite of those peas, and you better not throw up. Just chase it with a little water. 
  • Why do you want to watch someone give birth?
  • Why are your stuffed animals facing the wall? Are they punished?
  • Stop crying over the bump line in your socks. Children in Africa would love to have those socks.
  • Yes, I’m going to sit right behind you in the movie theater. 

The crazy statements that defy being categorized:

  • Stop growling at your father.
  • We don’t glue cheese to the fireplace.
  • Get the chicken out of the house! [And this little gem could have come from a surprising number of my mom friends!]
  • You may not play on my phone while I’m naked.
  • You better not be running around naked outside while the neighbors are in their yard!
  • Please stop brushing your teeth with your shoe.

I’m sensing a trend here …

  • Don’t put your fingers in your brother’s mouth. He might bite you!
  • Why is the baby eating your feet?
  • We don’t chew Momma’s sandals.
  • Please stop licking the bottom of your shoes.
  • Stop eating your hair.
  • Don’t eat Mommy’s hair.
  • We don’t eat furniture!
  • Stop licking Daddy’s shirt.
  • Please don’t lick the dog.
  • Did you just lick that?

And it turns out that Moms have bathroom humor, too.

  • Yes, your poop does look like a robot.
  • No, Daddy is different … you cannot stand up to pee! Sit back down!
  • You cannot turn and talk to me while peeing!
  • Boys! Stop sword fighting while you’re using the bathroom! Only one person can pee pee at a time!

And finally, my personal favorite:

  • You can’t have any candy until you eat all of your donut … I mean breakfast. 

Tell us! What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever said aloud to your child? Share in comments!

Sarah Vorhies is a self-proclaimed foodie who has been married to her husband Justin for ten years. Sarah and Justin have two beautiful children, Lillian and Judah. Sarah stayed close to home and got her degree in English Education from Southeastern Louisiana University. She can honestly say she is never bored thanks to one of the most fun jobs ever - teaching 11th grade American Literature. She enjoys traveling, reading, finding new recipes on Pinterest, and spending quality time with her family.


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