I am getting older, as we all are. It happens. Next year I will be out of my thirties and in a new decade of age. I would like to say that I am a gracefully aging mom who works out and plays tennis or eats all organic all of the time, who spends her days giving all her best self to her children.
I’m not. Graceful doesn’t really fit into any part of my life, I don’t think. I don’t work out, although, I do walk to the mailbox, climb the stairs at work and get in about 3,000 steps a day. All organic? Nope. Girl Scout cookies. Yup.
I try to take good care of my skin and deter the wrinkles that are slowly finding their home on my face. It’s a process of acceptance, though, I must say.
Saying goodbye to newborns was tough for me. I wanted a third baby but my husband and I made the decision together that two was all we needed. Secretly, though, deep in my heart I would love another one. According to my doctor, I am classified as a “geriatric mother” and that would bring along prenatal concerns. My children are in school now, my oldest close to double-digits. No more strollers or diapers. My kids now DEMAND what they want, which is just so much better than having to guess. (It’s not)
Scrolling through social media and seeing new babies, toddlers reaching milestones, and new baby gear can be somewhat hard. Knowing that that time in my life has passed can be difficult to swallow. I can say, however, that I don’t miss the long nights and diapers. I can say that as I move further into motherhood, I am able to make more time for ME. Before now, that was close to impossible but now I am able to listen more to myself and I love that.
Now I am in the stage of motherhood where researching the best way to give the sex talk and talking to my kids about bullying has taken the place of the more simpler times in motherhood. I have found myself trying to wish myself back to the “easier” days of parenting, but we all know that isn’t possible.
Instead I have embraced these new days, as hard as they feel. Navigating these new times isn’t easy and most of the time I second guess every move I make, but ultimately I do the best that I can. Even with the arguing, talking back, long homework nights and bad test grades, this is a wonderful time in my life. Now is the time that I can see the real personalities of my kids shine through and it’s wonderful to watch.
We take the days that are given to us, make the most of them and be thankful for them. Bigger kids bring bigger issues, I’ve heard and everyday that rings more true. While I am not able to rock my kids to sleep anymore, I do look for opportunities to get close to them. Reading in bed together and having talks about the things that interest them or what makes them laugh are just as meaningful, if not more-so.
We are all getting older and while accepting new stages in parenting can be tougher than what we are used to, these are the days that I would never wish away.