I got pregnant out of wedlock.
I was 20 years old, in college, and screwing my own life up in ways you couldn’t imagine. My parents knew I wouldn’t amount to much. They had given up on me, threw in the towel, and claimed I was lost. And I was, indeed. I was raised by religious parents and good ones, at that. But for whatever reason, in that phase of my life, I lived recklessly and carelessly. Parties, drugs, the wrong crowd, you name it, I was doing it. Until I discovered I was pregnant.
The anger I experienced the moment I found out was real.
I didn’t want a child. I wanted to live my life how I saw fit. I wanted the freedom to do whatever I chose to do. A child would definitely get in the way of my plans. I found myself at a crossroads of having to make a decision.
This decision changed my life forever.
My dad always tells me, “You made the biggest turn-around I’ve ever seen anyone do before.” And I did. I knew once I decided to keep my baby, I couldn’t continue living the same lifestyle anymore because I had someone other than myself to think about. I cleaned myself up and did whatever I needed to do to get myself and my child on solid ground.
In the span of 4 years, I finished college (on the Dean’s List), I got a job, saved up money to buy my own place, bought my own car, and it’s been us two taking on the world ever since.
Having my daughter saved my life.
Being her mother has given me purpose, a reason to live other than myself. Did I think I could do it at the time? No. But if you serve the same God I do, you know He walks with you every step of the way. Looking back 9 years ago when I was just a child, myself, I can see His handprint evident in every phase of this journey.
It’s so hard.
The journey has definitely not been easy. Being a single mom, trying to finish college, working, dating to find a guy worthy enough of this beautiful package deal, desperately praying that you’re leading yourself and your kid in the right direction, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders is a struggle.
But what comes with that is an unwavering faith in God, the ability find joy in the small things, and a love that you couldn’t even imagine possible.
The minute I stepped back from my plans and followed God’s plan, I blossomed. I can honestly say we have, so far, had a great life because I surrendered to my own selfish desires and let Him move. Looking back, His plan is so much better than what my own plans would have ever been.