Preschooler with a PhD in Procrastination

I presume that if you’re reading this, you have children. And I presume that if you have children, you know all about the elaborate procrastination techniques they employ at the most inopportune times. Who else has days that go like this:

When It’s Time to Leave:
Mom: Go put your shoes on.
Kid: Goes to room and comes back 5 minutes later, still shoeless.
Mom: Where are your shoes?
Kid: Look at this shell! I found it under my bed. It’s pink and is shaped like a heart.
Mom: I love the shell! Now please go put your shoes on.
Kid: Goes to room and comes back 5 minutes later, still shoeless.
Mom: Where are your shoes?
Kid: Can I take this snugly toy to school to show my friends?
Mom: No. Escorts kid to room and forces shoes on her feet. Both walk out of room.
Kid: I can’t wear these pants! I hate these pants. I want the pants with the blue flowers!
Mom: You can put those on tonight. We don’t have time. We need to go now.
Kid: Already taking off pants. Takes off shoes. I CAN’T WEAR THESE PANTS.
Mom: Whatever, just hurry up. We’re gonna be late!
Kid: Goes to room and comes back 5 minutes later.
Mom: Where are your shoes?

 

When It’s Time For Bed:
Mom: Time to get ready for bed.
Kid: I’m hungry.
Mom: We just had dinner.
Kid: But I’m hungry. I want a snack.
Mom: Ok, eat this banana then we’re brushing teeth and going to bed!
Kid: Can I have something sweet?
Mom: No. Eat the banana.
Kid: Eats banana very slooooowly. Can I finish my iPad game?
Mom: No, you’ve been doing that all night. It’s time for bed. Carries kid into bathroom and brushes teeth.
Kid: Can I have some milk? 
Mom: No, you just brushed your teeth.
Kid: (fake coughs) I’m sick. I need some medicine.
Mom: You aren’t sick. Go to kid’s room, read books and prep for bedtime.
Kid: It’s too dark in here.
Mom: All three of your night lights are on. Go to sleep.
Kid: I’m thirsty. Can I have some water with ice?
Mom: Gets water with ice.
Kid: I’m hot. Can you turn the fan on?
Mom: Turns on fan.
Kid: I can’t get comfy.
Mom: Move to a different position.
Kid: I’m only comfy when I’m sitting up.
Mom: That’s not true, go to SLEEP.
Kid: How come you and Daddy get to sleep in bed together and I have to sleep by myself?
Mom: Because you’re a kid. Go TO SLEEP.
Kid: Almost asleep. Then eyes pop open. I have to potty. Goes to bathroom and comes back.
Kid: Mommy, my jammies are itchy.
Mom: Screaming inside head and conjuring Samuel L Jackson. GO TO SLEEP!!

Parenting is hard, y’all. And if you’re like me, that saint-like patience seems to never show up at the right times. But when you’re ready to pull your hair out, I can only hope that it provides some consolation to know you aren’t alone.

 

Ashley grew up in Joplin, Missouri and attended the University of Arkansas where she earned a degree in Finance and Insurance. She met her husband, Jason, in Fayetteville and they have one daughter, Etta Mae. They moved to Baton Rouge in 2013 for Jason's job with the LSU Tigers. Ashley is an extroverted introvert who loves Ted Talks, following politics on Twitter, and figuring out how to get the best deals on everything without paying shipping. If it were up to her, she would get paid to read books and take every college class so that she could learn everything about everything, but instead she pays the bills by working in recruiting for a multinational tech company. Ashley is blessed to have a daughter who is at least as stubborn as she is and a husband who is laid back enough to put up with both of them.

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