Queen of the Jungle

You Jane are way different from me Tarzan — a concept that has been reinforced and reminded almost daily from Day One. After biology class it was quickly deduced that we men have the complexity of a garden hose and ladies, a multiple zone irrigation system. Nothing prepares you for parenthood and the new roles you become in each other’s lives, but I am most certainly still reeling in awe of this miracle of life.

Still so clear is the day my wife and I found out our breeding career was complete on the first attempt. The test said it might take 5-10 minutes … 10 seconds later breath gone, stomach in throat and mind running. YES! Great! We did it! Hooray. Sh!+, *@#%^&&* OMG G+F0H AHHH no taking this one back. After the celebration the reality set in with some progressive visuals as we learned the gravity of spawning.

After a couple of suggested apps, we(she) settled on the OVIA app which gives you a creature-sized comparison and status update of what it did that week. This growing tadpole progresses to a squirming fish, ferret and finally your own Chihuahua-sized human. Through all this the host can develop an array of symptoms, cravings, medical conditions or as 1 in 4 women experience, a miscarriage. These feelings and concerns give way to some high emotions at times…consider the concept that on any given day she has grown a lung, kidney or foot…

I still ponder that this spawn is developed in a magical liquid-filled balloon equipped with a direct inject belly to belly main line hose sustaining every need. At some point this little fish develops a four-chambered self-priming valve aka heart and a cranium of grey matter has a matrix-type moment and downloads the complete baby hard drive. Nine moons later a set of fully functioning organs/a complete human/a tiny creature/your own offspring is ready to join your pride.

Now when the moment arrives a series of events are going to lead to two probable options. Option A, intense trauma, Option B invasive trauma. I’d highly recommend witnessing as your now puppy-sized mini is delivered, but if you have a weak stomach assume a supporting role. At the grand finale your spawn enters the world in dramatic fashion, transforming from swimming in its dark underwater world to breathing on its own in a bright new universe. Its direct inject food supply is cut and now becomes orally supplied through a never used pair of lungs and a pair of newly modified organic milk supplying utters that Mom grew in her spare time while growing this bundle of joy. After a couple of inspections the doctors give a thumbs up, you return to the home nest and have many sleep- deprived nights to figure out the rest.

To all parents experiencing this magical journey I tip my hat and hope that you are able to live the journey to its fullest. This chapter of creating life is short, soak it up and let it saturate you to the core. It redefines every decision you will ever make in the jungle.

To all the to-be, solo, proxy or veteran Janes we are forever in awe of your superpowers.

You rule the Jungle.

Much Love,

– the Tarzans



Travis was born on the bayou and has spent his 33 years working and playing in everything part of this beautiful state. In 2008 he imported a beautiful product of California and in 2010 married her. They are parents to son, Luke, a fur baby Juliet and are adding to the litter mid-June 2017. Together they live work and play in downtown Baton Rouge in Spanish Town and enjoy restoring/maintaining their 100+ year old home. He’s an early riser, enjoys coffee on the porch, tinkering in the shop and recreating in the outdoors.



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