Surviving Your First Mother’s Day Without Your Mom

If you know me, then you know that grief and I go way back. We first met in 1990 when I was 13-years-old. I barely knew myself, yet I was expected to familiarize myself with such an unwelcome visitor. The worst part of that whole experience was having to go through it without the one person who’d been my guide and support through everything else …. my mother.

My mother was the person I was grieving. Did I mention that I was only 13-years-old at the time? Now, trust me, there’s no ideal age to say goodbye to your mother. It doesn’t matter if you’re 13 or 73, the pain is still the same. That’s because no matter how old you get, your mother is still your mother. She never stops mothering you and letting you know that you’re her child, her love, her baby that she loves more than life itself. That’s why the void is so great when she’s promoted to heaven.

This message was on my heart heavy these last few days because I know there are people out there who are about to experience their first Mother’s Day without their mom. I wish I was here to make this whole experience easier for you, but the truth is it’s not going to be easy. The first of everything from now on will be extremely challenging. Some will handle it differently than others.

You see, one thing I’ve learned about that unwanted visitor called grief is that it’s very unpredictable. It shows up out of nowhere and tries to knock you down and sometimes it does, but you won’t stay down. You’ll remember the woman who raised you and the strength you saw in her, and you’ll get back up time and time again.

What I want you to know is if that scared and confused 13-year-old could do it, then so can you. I didn’t say it was easy and most likely it won’t be easy for you either, but God never promised easy, but He did promise to never leave or forsake us. I won’t lie and say I didn’t question that from time to time back then. I felt left and very forsaken, but He always found a way to show me that He was still there and that I would be okay.

This Mother’s Day, my only survival tip is to grieve however you need to grieve. If you need to be alone, then be alone. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to go and sit at her grave and talk to her, then do that. The bottom line is you have to do what works for you. Just like grief, we’re all unique and we all cope with that visitor in our own way.

This Sunday will mark Mother’s Day #30 without my mom, that’s including the one when she was in the hospital. I can tell you that you do learn to adjust to the new normal, but it takes time, patience, and lots of prayer.

I don’t know who this message is for, but it’s my hope that you receive it and it helps in some small way. It’s my prayer that as you go throughout the day on Sunday, that even through your grief, you’ll still feel the love of God all around you. I pray that He pours down his peace upon you and your home. I pray that through your tears you can also smile as you remember the incredible woman God chose to be your mother. The woman who is now and will forever be your Angel.
God Bless!

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Lorna Lewis is a native of Varnado, Louisiana, a town so small it’s been classified as a village. After graduating from Varnado High School, Lorna moved to Baton Rouge to attend the best HBCU in the land, Southern University A & M College. She entered Southern thinking she’d go into nursing, but soon realized blood was not her thing, so she changed her major to Elementary Education. In 2002, Lorna married Cornelius “Neil” Lewis, the man who captured her heart and has been nurturing it for many years since. Through their union came three beautiful children, AJ, Kirsten, and Kourtney, their Angel baby who God allowed them to love for 18 months. After spending 17 years with the East Baton Rouge Parish School System, Lorna knew it was time to step out on faith and pursue her true passion. Lorna has always had an overactive imagination, which would probably explain her great love for literature. Writing allows her to put her imagination to work and let her creativity take control. Today, Lorna is a national bestselling and award-winning author of four novels. She’s gifted at turning character’s dreams into drama and writing stories that are emotional and deal with real-life situations such as marriage, infidelity, fertility, workplace drama, discrimination, and also the power of forgiveness and second chances. Lorna is also a scriptwriter and producer of the short film "Secrets from the Bayou. She's the founder of “Changing Lives the Write Way,” an online coaching program for aspiring authors. Lorna helps women turn their wounds into words, their scars into sentences, and their battles into books. Learn more about Lorna by visiting her website: www.authorlalewis.com

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