These Tiny Fingers

Its 2:30 a.m. Molly (my 5 month old) is waking for the third time tonight already. She’s not sick. She is not in a growth spurt. Her diaper is clean and she’s not too hot or cold. I don’t know what she needs. I do know that after five days of this and VERY little sleep, I can’t see straight. The house is a mess. We have used all of our allotted “eat out” days for the month and we are only half way through. I go about my days like a zombie. I feel like I am not even carrying on a functioning conversation. I’m not sure how much more I can take of this. The house is so quiet, I feel alone.

Untitled designAnd then she wraps her tiny fingers around mine. Suddenly in my sleep-deprived state, I remember what is really happening. I may not know why she needs me, but she does. I am all she needs. All she wants. Yes, the 2:30 a.m. “need” may be inconvenient but one day she won’t need me at 2:30 a.m. She may not need me at all. I’ll look back on these long nights and remember when I was her only desire. These are her personal moments with me. Not only will I remember these nights as our special time, some times on busy days the only time for just her and I, but I will also see it as my investment. Into our relationship. Me, investing in her. In her future. In who she will become. I am beginning now, showing her that anytime she needs me, even 2:30 a.m., I am here. Sleep will come. One day.

So for now, I deliriously look at her tiny little fingers, wrapped around mine. I gently sooth her cries. I rub her soft hair as she nurses. I kiss her cheek as I place her back in her bed. And then I sleep for a few more minutes. And no matter when she needs me again, I will be here, for her and her tiny little fingers.

Lisa is a 29-year-old Baton Rouge area native. After high school, she applied for and auditioned with New York University’s Theatre Education program. Before she heard if she was accepted, she met the man of her dreams and never opened the letter from NYU! She instead remained close to home and attended LSU. In 2007 she married Daniel, a fire fighter. In 2010 she gave birth to their daughter Ava Elise, and then in 2013, she gave birth to their second daughter, Emmeline Margaret. They have suffered the loss of five pregnancies, which has helped shape their goals and ideas as parents. Lisa’s favorite thing to do is spend time with her family any chance she can. She practices gentle parenting and natural living. Her hobbies include cooking and decorating for any holiday. You will often find her and her family at festivals, parades, and any event with a good Swamp Pop band playing. She is an active member of the Diocese of Baton Rouge Catholic Engaged Encounter community, which holds retreats for engaged couples to help them be better prepared for marriage. More than anything, Lisa loves to laugh and smile and give glory to God.

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