Things that Are Supposed to Be for My Toddler That I Secretly Steal

Right now I am drinking a glass of wine and eating Goldfish. Yes. Goldfish. My son’s snack. And, I’m home alone. So no one can stop me.  My current situation prompted me to think about all of the other things that are supposed to be for my one-year-old son, but I find myself enjoying instead.


  1. Goldfish. As I just mentioned, I’m eating them now. Aren’t they the best? I have been known to take an entire bag of (my son’s) goldfish to work and eat the entire thing. Let’s be honest, one of the best parts of being a mom is always having snacks. Besides being a wife and mom, I love eating. And let’s not leave out the other delicious snacks. Animal crackers. Pretzels. Yogurt. String cheese. Things I buy “for” Sam, but secretly like to buy them for me.
  2. Mega Blocks. My favorite toy.  We open up the zipped bag and dump them over Sam’s head, which keeps his attention for six seconds. Me? My attention is kept for much longer.  Let’s build a huge tower that we then get to KNOCK DOWN! And then we do it all over again. He’s on the other side of the living room playing with the dog and I’m building a tower all alone. Yeah, I definitely have more fun with them than he does.
  3. Johnson’s Soothing Vapor Bath and Johnson’s Baby Bed Time Bath. Building towers of mega blocks is tiring. When Sam goes down, I take a bath. Who needs to spend money on aromatherapy, when you can just steal your kids bath stuff? Soothes a fussy baby? And a fussy mom! Plus, if you have a stuffy nose, the vapor bath is perfect! Maybe I’ll bring my wine and Goldfish.
  4. Apple juice. Who doesn’t pour themselves a little shot of apple juice when they are filling a sippy cup? Forget booze, I’ll take a shot of juice!  I forgot how awesome apple juice is. We don’t buy soft drinks, so its usually water, coffee, tea, and adult beverage here and there. So, when I started buying apple juice for Sam, I was amazed at the deliciousness I had once forgotten.
  5. Saline drops. Okay, I don’t love these drops too much, but when you’re breastfeeding and can’t take cold medicine, saline drops are as good as it gets. I have appropriated quite a few of Sam’s (unopened) bottles of saline when I couldn’t breathe. Honestly, before saline, I always used medicine that doesn’t go in your nose. Now I’m hooked on nasal sprays when I’m congested. And, seriously, can we get an adult-sized nose frida?! I would use Sam’s saline drops on myself and use the nose frida on my own snot-filled nose. (I’m sick just as often as he is.) After that many poopy diapers and dried boogers, nothing grosses me out anymore.
  6. The Disney Pandora station. Yeah. He could care less about the Disney songs. But they are so nostalgic for my husband and me. Singing at the top of our lungs during dinner? Sam probably thinks his parents are crazy. He dances with us in the living room, but he doesn’t feel the emotional twinge when the Lion King, Aladdin, and Little Mermaid songs come on. Who knows? There may have been tears shed during our dancing sessions. I can’t wait for him to be old enough to watch the old school Disney movies. We will watch ALL OF THEM.

I’m sure there are more of Sam’s things that I secretly love for my own purposes, but I am out of Goldfish. . .

Do you steal any of your kids things?

Kristen and her husband, Gabe, married young, halfway through their college careers at LSU, figuring it would be more fun to be poor together than alone. After earning a Bachelor’s degree in English Literature in 2007, they trekked all the way to Delaware, where she earned a Master’s degree in English Literature and can tell you more about Nineteenth-century England than you’d probably like to know. Afterwards, they spent a carefree year living in Philadelphia, enjoying city life, before moving back home to Central and settling in. The start of 2014 brought their son, Sam, into the world—their greatest adventure to date. She works full-time, tries to cook most nights even though she’s exhausted, and is trying to see the beauty in the mundane. Kristen is passionate about eating together around the table, teaching our kids to be independent and creative, and empowering dads (rather than telling them they’re doing it wrong). In her “free time,” she enjoys reading in the bath, watching Doctor Who, intending to do DIY projects, and occasionally making cameo appearances in her husband’s music videos.


  1. Well I don’t have kids but there is one product out there that I use all the time. Don’t laugh but it’s Desitin, you know the cream for diaper rash! I use it on my face when I have a zit. Dries it right up!


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