My first baby, the one that gave me the cherished title of “mommy,” is starting kindergarten this year. How did the time pass so quickly? I can still remember the day that I went back to work and had to drop him off at daycare. It was quite literally the hardest day of my life. He has never been the child that was upset to leave me. He never had separation anxiety but for me…leaving him was just plain unbearable. I sobbed for days dropping him off at daycare until I decided it would be best to stay at home with him. During this time, kindergarten wasn’t even on my radar! I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I would have to send him into the wide world of big boy school one day. But if I know my baby, he will run into kindergarten with excitement and smiles while he leaves his momma breathless and emotional.
My anxiety about leaving him has always been high! I worry about the normal things…is he ready? Will he make friends? Will he behave and listen? Will he learn what he needs to learn? Will he get hurt at recess? Will he eat at school? Is someone going to care for my baby the way I do? Then all of our normalcy was tossed out the window. Now, I worry about him in the great big world where no one knows what to expect! Now I wonder things like…am I a bad mom if I send him to school instead of homeschooling, will he get COVID-19 and bring it home to all of us, is he ready because he didn’t get to finish pre K4, will it be too much for him with no recess and lunch in the classrooms, will someone be there to make sure he is washing his hands and distancing properly? Should I homeschool him? That gives me even more anxiety, being a mom of four-I don’t feel like I have the skills or the time to effectively homeschool. It totally overwhelms me. I wouldn’t even know where to start.
My anxiety has anxiety!!!
I have bought uniforms and school supplies. I have taken him for kindergarten testing. I have prepared him as much as I can. I’ve mourned because he won’t have a typical start to big boy school. Instead of telling him to go to school and make friends and have fun, I’m having to teach him to wash his hands and stay away from The other kids and people in general. I’m teaching him to be cautious instead of social, which totally blows my southern, extroverted mind (and his)!
My heart goes out to you and all the parents having to deal with this. As a mother of two (one of which is a teacher), grandmother of seven, I understand your anxiety and worries of whether you are doing the right thing. As a mother you will always be second guessing yourself, I applaud your decision and know that you are raising an amazing child, who will be especially resistant and a wonderful example to his siblings.
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