I truly enjoy spending time with my husband. Sappy, I know.
I love family time with him, binge-watching Yellowstone, communicating through memes and Tik-Toks, and that we are always a united front when it comes to our children. But even the healthiest relationships need a break from time to time. Taking the time to maintain healthy boundaries and giving each other space is important – especially after 16 years of marriage and 3 children.
Let’s address the elephant in the room – literally. Intimacy and desire in a long-term relationship seem to fade as couples settle into the daily routine and the comfortableness a secure relationship provides. Of course talking about what to cook for dinner, who is doing the dishes, and who is on homework duty is part of life – but nothing about those things is seductive.
A little time apart can allow you to view your partner in a different light and will help you want them even more.
Mommy Needs a Time-Out
Being a multiple hat-wearing, stressed, and exhausted mommy doesn’t help anyone. As moms, we are always arranging, organizing, and worrying about everyone’s needs all while neglecting our own. We all hear “Mommy” hundreds of times a day, so there really never seems to be downtime to just be yourself.
Taking some self-care time and addressing your own needs isn’t greedy. The saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” however cliché really is so true. Just be clear about your needs and reasons for needing a break so that your family knows what to expect.
Communication is Key
Open lines of communication are essential in a relationship, especially when needing some time to yourself. Focus the discussion on you and your needs. Needing a break is not about wanting to avoid your partner, but instead is about recharging and re-centering yourself. Be clear that you just need some time to take care of yourself.
We were on a break!
After you have spoken with your partner and set up expectations, this break should be as easy as possible for everyone involved, so that you come back healthier. But what does taking a break look like? It is essentially spending the afternoon or evening doing your own thing without the daily distractions.
Things could include:
- Going out for coffee and enjoying it hot.
- Getting some fresh air. Talking a long walk or run to clear your head.
- Binging a show that your partner doesn’t care for.
- Booking yourself a facial or massage.
- Tackling that DIY project you saw on YouTube.
- Treating yourself to a one-night staycation at a local hotel.
Just remember that needing a break and communicating those feelings is not being greedy nor does it make you a failure; it can be very healthy and strengthen your relationships.