An Open Letter to My Son

Dear little human growing inside me,

First, I would like to tell you that I already love you more than I imagined I could love anyone (don’t tell your dad – I love him a lot too).

Second, pregnancy sucks. You’ll likely never be pregnant, but I hope you’ll learn to be in awe of pregnant parents and support them in every way you can. 

It is a strange thing, but even though you are so little, you already know more about me than I’ll ever know about myself. There’s no hiding how I feel, my impulses or reactions since you have access to all this information in the raw. All the things I went through while I was pregnant are the first things you learned. I would have liked to travel the world and showed you all the different colors and flavors humanity can produce, but mostly we sat on a desk practicing architecture. Hopefully, we’ll get to travel a lot together once you are born – you are 37 weeks old now, no airline will let me fly even if I wanted to. 

We did go to Brazil when you were 17 weeks old, and I think you liked it – although I caught a cold during the last couple of days. We drank matte every day and had brigadeiro probably every other day. We also had a lot of black beans and collard greens, yum! We went to a baroque concert and the theater caught on fire. We visited a whole bunch of churches and amazing art exhibitions. We didn’t get to go to the beach, but we visited a lot of friends who were very happy to meet you. 

It was very hard to pick a name for you. It’s such a huge commitment and responsibility… Finding your name took us more than 6 months, actually, since dad and I had been discussing names even before we were married. After we found out we were pregnant with you, we hung a whiteboard in the living room with an ever-changing list of names one of us liked. As you can imagine, we didn’t agree on any names, until one day I just had to know your name, I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to start calling you by your name. That’s when we were finally able to come to an agreement, and it has felt right since then – as if no other name ever existed. I want to believe that you played a part in choosing your name and that somehow you helped me feel that this was the right name for you.

It is interesting that although I don’t see you, you can’t talk to me or properly respond, I still feel like we communicate. I talk to you, I meditate with you, and I play with you. It is very subtle, but sometimes you gently push my finger back and forth, sometimes you just turn as if you were trying to sleep and I was just worried I hadn’t felt you move in a while. During meditation as I relax, it seems that you relax too, and my belly becomes very soft. You move in sync with certain songs and seem to become aggravated by others. When I walk you bounce inside as if you are enjoying the exercise. You like our cat – as he is purring near my belly, you move softly as if you want to pet him. I think our beagle is a bit too loud and energetic for you, it seems like she startles you. Also fireworks – you didn’t seem to enjoy the extra noise, but I think you’ll love it when you can see it.

You were breech most of the time, and by being so, you taught me a lot. I learned more about my body, about patience, about perseverance, and my own limitations. I had to surrender to the process, and trust that however you are born, it will be the way.

I hope you enjoy the weeks to come – I can’t wait to look you in the eyes and tell you that I love you.

Your mom,


Ana is originally from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Out of passion for learning, she started traveling to all sorts of different places. Fifteen countries later, she has now settled in Baton Rouge and works for a local architecture firm. Graduate school at LSU presented her not only with tools to advance in architecture but also with a deeper understanding of the culture and geography of Louisiana. It is a fascinating state, and Baton Rouge, as its capital, does not disappoint. Ana is currently starting her journey to a country she has never been to before: motherhood (except if you count a dog, a cat, and a fish). You can find her coming up with a myriad of house projects, trying new restaurants in town, park-hopping with her beagle, or enjoying a good movie with her husband.


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