I know all kids say mean things to their parents from time to time. Mine frequently tell me I am terrible, so I started thinking “What if they gave out Terrible Mom Awards? And if so, would I win?”.
Well, here is how I would accept that award. Enjoy my honest words about how I regularly ruin my kids’ lives.
“I would first like to thank the Academy of Mothers whose kids say they are ruining their lives. I may not have been your first choice for the ‘Woosest Mom Eba’ aka Worstest Mom Ever (WME) Award, but I am so happy that I proved myself when it counted.
For those who don’t know me or those who don’t think I’m deserving, sit back and enjoy the stories that my kids will eventually exaggerate to their therapists. And yes, I am already saving money for their therapy. Uh oh, am I out of the running for a repeat win by admitting that I care what they think of me? Here are just a few stories to prove that I was a shoo-in for this coveted award.
There was that one time when I didn’t buy donuts multiple days in a row for breakfast. I know what you are thinking, ‘Why didn’t you just throw on those yoga pants and run to Mary Lee’s to load them up on sugar to guarantee a no nap day? That’s what good moms do.’ Well not this mom. First off, I look ridiculous in yoga pants. And, I NEED my naps. I know, so selfish.
Another one that comes to mind is after a long day at work and an even longer night doing homework, dinner, bath, and cleaning up, I have the nerve to tell them to go to bed. I thought I read somewhere that sleep is good for my kids, but let’s be honest, I really just want to get the party of my life started and those kids are just fuddy duddies.
Lastly, when I refuse to share the iPad when I’m obviously scrolling Facebook for the latest happenings with people I never see in real life. ‘Oh wait, you want to practice your letters or phonics on those apps I made you get so I don’t feel guilty when I actually let you play on it? Ok fine, I’ll just be a few minutes. Why don’t I put on a movie (and hide the remote so you can’t FF) in the meantime?’ Score! Just secured another 1.5 hrs till they really get upset and ask again. This one I do actually feel guilty about, but sometimes I just need to do my own thing even when my littles are right next to me.
In hearing these few stories, I hope you now agree that I am truly deserving of this award. I tell myself just stick to my beliefs and I will win this award Every. Stinking. Year… at least according to my little monsters when they aren’t being my little angels. I hope that one day my kids will realize that I do everything for their own good. Except maybe the iPad thing, that is for my own good. I also hope that when they realize the truth they will also give me ‘The Best Mom Ever’ award.
In conclusion, I accept this award and will now be enjoying an adult beverage to start conspiring other ways to ruin my kids’ lives. Feel free to join me if you need ideas. As we all know, misery loves company.”