Gender Expectations {In Defense of the Boys}

Y’all!  Tomorrow is the big day…the day we find out what our next sweet baby will be!  As most mom’s know, the excitement is something that can’t be contained.  Tonight I sit here, trying my best to keep all the built up giddy-ness to my self I can’t help but think about all the family and friends that are just as excited, if not more.  I know that along with my questions of “Will I have another sweet baby boy?”….and….”OMG! or is it a girl?!”, everyone else is asking the same questions.  Some might even say there are expectations from what our ultrasound reveals tomorrow.

With all three of my pregnancies, I feel as if a girl has definitely been the more desired gender…..and I totally get it.  I too had gender expectations at one point.  With Kade I just KNEW it was a girl, gosh I wanted it so bad but boy oh boy was I wrong.  He most definitely was not a girl and I saw it WAY before we were “officially” told by the ultrasound tech.  After a little bit of acceptance, the excitement set in…I was having a son and I couldn’t have been more thrilled.  With our next pregnancy, I expected a girl because that’s what happens right?  Everyone else has the boy, then the girl or vice versa.   We were like everyone else and it’s most likely a girl.  I was obviously a victim of placental brain drain because who was I kidding, Brent comes from a family of three boys….I knew what my odds were.

gender1

After Kellan was born, I was the mom with three boys…we were the family with three boys and we loved it.  What we didn’t expect was the constant question of if we were going to try for a girl.  So many sweet little old ladies staring at our three beautiful boys all doe-eyed and what not, realizing that there might be room for a girl in that mix.  I honestly never minded the question, I’ve asked the same question myself.  Although, when Kellan was an infant…that was a little annoying.  They’d look at him in all his 3-month old cuteness and look right back at me “…are y’all going to try for a girl?!”…those times, I was kind of like “…ummm well let me get this one on solids first?”

As months went by, the boys grew older, the question was still asked, then one day it hit me.  Why in the world would I have another baby based on the thought it might be a girl?  What was so wrong with boys?  I can remember the day I finally let the question get to me.  It was no different than any other time we had been asked, just another sweet old lady adoring our boys and asking the age old question…”So, when will y’all try for a girl?”  I kindly smiled and told her that if it’s meant to be it will happen.  When we left the restaurant, I felt so defensive for my boys.  I looked at them, sleeping in the back seat and remember being so thankful I was given each of them. So why?  Why was there a need to add a girl into an already perfect mix?  My boys were just that, beautiful and happy in all their sweet boy-ness.

To our surprise, we found out we were expecting again.  Not at all trying for one gender over another, just a happy little surprise that was clearly meant to be.  As the months passed and the big gender reveal appointment drew closer, there were talks of baby girl this and baby girl that, a little of baby boy here and baby boy there but it was clear that a girl was hoped for by most of our family and friends.  I can say that the thought of a girl was exciting, things like bows and flowers and tea parties would be a fun change but the thought of a boy…oh my.  My emotional attachment to having another boy tugged at my heart in such a good way.

gender2

It’s now the day after our appointment, a day after we have told our closest family and friends and my emotions and feelings over the past 24 hours is what has driven this post.  Walking into that ultrasound room was nothing new to us.  Walking out of that ultrasound room was nothing new either πŸ˜‰  As with every pregnancy before, we walked out of that room knowing that we were having a baby boy.  I was SO excited and equally as amused to be honest.  The funny part?  Four. Boys.  Seriously, four of them!  I avoided any phone calls or texts most of the day not only to keep it a surprise but because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone  because I knew that a lot expected a girl this go ’round.  We slowly told our family and closest friends and got lots of excitement, lots of giggles, and a few “…so, y’all are done?  No more chances for a girl?”.  Yes, that question was totally asked a few times.

gender3

I remember at one point feeling really bad for my sweet little unborn baby boy.  Not only was he going to have to hear it when he was older but poor thing didn’t even get the full excitement he would have gotten had he been a girl.  Hearing the condolences from our news was the absolute oddest thing ever.  We were so excited, yet people felt let down for us and that really put me on defense.  I realized right then how incredibly amazing my boys are, how amazing your boys are….I realized that being a mother to boys has to be just as great as being a mother to girls.  In defense of all the sweet boys out there and the mothers who adore them, having sons is so incredibly rewarding, and I say don’t knock it until ya try it.  While having a girl seems SO much fun!  All the outfits and clothes, baby dolls and barbies, mommy-daughter dates to get manis and pedis.  As a mom that feels outnumbered a times, I’ll say that that all had me so excited at the thought of having one myself.  With boys, there are no hair bows and baby dolls, no nails to paint or slumber parties to host.  But below the scuffed up knees and lack of cute clothing options, there is so much more to boys.  There are hours of building train tracks and setting up tiny cities, there’s playing T-ball in the back yard until the sun goes down, there’s the loss of added stress trying to keep them perfectly put together.  My favorite part?  There is a bond, one that I’ve heard is unlike any other and while I can’t vouch for a bond with a daughter I can absolutely say the bond I share with my boys I wouldn’t trade for the world and am so thankful to get to experience it again.

gender4

 

Cassie is a hustle-from-home mom to four boys, Blaison, Kade, Kellan and Matty. She worked as a payroll administrator for nine years up until the arrival of their third son, Kellan. After realizing the costs of daycare for three little ones, and the sudden growth in her business, Cassie Treuil Photography, she left her job to focus on building her business and raising her four boys. In between shuffling kids to carpool and football practice, she can be found planning events for RSMB and editing the sweetest little faces of BR. On the weekends, catch her between the football field and Highland Road Park cheering on her Catholic High Bear. She loves her family, an occasional juice cleanse, weekends on the water and her tiny town of Port Allen.

11 COMMENTS

  1. I absolutely loved this story. I am a mother of 3 boys. Ages 4,3,&1! I get the same questions all the time! We are trying for baby number 4. I would like to wear a shirt every time I walk out the door that says. No we aren’t trying for a girl, we are trying for a baby, not because we want a girl but because we love children. I love my boys so much! I love ALL the things that come with boys! I Thank God for them everyday! Congratulations!

    • Thanks so much Brittany! And a shirt?!?! What a genius idea, seriously! I’m loving all of my boys and couldn’t imagine life any other way πŸ™‚

  2. As a mom of four boys I can completely relate! Congratulations and enjoy your kids. We are in the process of adopting a boy to add to the mix and so many do not understand. But, it works for our family:)

    • Thanks so much Julie! Good luck on the adoption! I’ve been so interested in adoption and hope to one day be given the gift of such an experience.

  3. I’m on the other side, three girls. We get asked all the time if we’re going to keep trying for ‘that boy’. Our first two girls were somewhat close in age, 20 months apart, and then there’s 4 years between our 2nd and 3rd. We didn’t find out the sex of our first two until they arrived. My husband was positive Bry, our second, was a boy right up to the second of her big arrival. We decided to find out what number 3 was ahead of time and everyone told us they had their fingers crossed that we’d get a boy. I really, truly, honestly didn’t care either way. At this point we’re done having babies, always said no more after 30..but we also didn’t do anything surgically to rule it out. I really feel like I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy at this point. We’re becoming well versed in the world of girls and all the mood swings, hair bows, and twirly dresses that entails.

  4. Thank you! You said everything I feel. I am a mom of 3 boys and it is SO tiring to hear those comments. I love my boys and now I almost feel like I would rather have another boy if I got pregnant again πŸ™‚ Thank you for sharing!

  5. My thoughts exactly… It is like you are in my head! I have 3 boys and get those questions. All. The. Time. I always respond, “I’ll tell you what, after teaching high school for almost 10 years, I’d take 3 boys over 3 girls any day!”:)

  6. Proud mom of four boys here – and as such, may I say CONGRATULATIONS!! Having four boys is a challenge (though I’m pretty sure you can say that about parenting in general!) … but it is honestly so much fun.

    We got so many rude comments when I was pregnant with my youngest son – it was like nobody could hide their disappointment and didn’t mind telling us so. Even my mother in law! I couldn’t believe how thoughtless people could be. But the important part was that WE were excited, and I told people that in no uncertain terms. πŸ˜‰

  7. as the oldest of ten grands, number eight being the only boy, I only heard the opposite growing up. Every pregnancy of my mom’s and my aunts, all talk was, “I hope it’s a boy this time.” Didn’t matter that it was a first child for that couple or the third, like my baby sister. I began to get defensive about BEING a girl. I refused to believe we were less valuable just because we couldn’t “carry on the family name.” Then I married and had two girls of my own, divorced, and remarried a man with three girls. He endured the ribbing, “you can’t even marry into boys.” All in good nature. Two years later, we had our only child together. I can’t lie, I wanted a son that time and even prayed for TWIN BOYS, but alas she’s a girl. That made SIX. Lol. I can still remember sobbing after that sonogram, then a couple of days later hating myself for that. In the past 23 years, I have never ONCE wished she was a boy. All it took was seeing her face for the first time. I love my daughters with everything in me. Of course, the first grandchild is a girl, but was born on my hubby’s birthday, so she’s extra special. The second was a boy! And the third, and the sixth. We also have a step grandson and step granddaughter, so we have five of each. After two generations of almost all girls in my family, this generation has a majority of boys so far. A baby is a baby and they are ALL blessings! Ps. Your boys are gorgeous! πŸ™‚

    • I love this Penny and thank you! I could not agree more. No matter what each child is such a blessing no matter what their gender! Girls are in no way, shape or form less valuable that’s for sure! Thank you for your sweet comment πŸ™‚

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here