Many of our perspectives in parenting stories offer an intimate look into the highs and lows of being a mom in Baton Rouge. Whether it’s avoiding the mom shame game, or the challenges of having multiple young kids, we think that the best way to work through motherhood is together. No topic is off limits, even if it means getting honest about body image issues for young girls in Baton Rouge.
In this case, we understand that Father’s Day brings so many different feelings for us all.
What to look for in a good father litmus test.
Merriam Webster defines a litmus test as “a test in which a single factor (such as an attitude, event, or fact) is decisive.” Though a dad could be classified as either “good” or “not good,” this determination does not hinge on a single factor alone, rather I believe there are a few traits that all good fathers have in common. Here is our good father litmus test.
They are there.
I believe that participation trophies are an injustice to winners and losers alike. That being said, I believe that participation in one’s child’s life is the key to being a good father. If a father is not present in his child’s life, they have a 0% chance of being a good father. In today’s world where divorce is more and more common and children are more often born out of wedlock, this can be truly challenging for some fathers out there.
My advice to the dads is: be there. My advice to the moms: let him.
Even if a father may be around, that is not enough. He must care about his children and their well-being. This can occur through countless ways including protecting, being a role model, spending quality time, and teaching lessons.
Unlike some of the incredible moms out there, a good father might not spend years researching the right school for the children or researching organic apple sauce vs. non-organic apple sauce, he surely makes sure his kids are fed, rested, safe, and generally happy.
As someone who cares a great deal for his children, I personally find that “caring” can often be like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube with missing and misplaced stickers. Does caring mean ensuring that my children have a proper routine, are well-rested, are properly nourished, and never do anything remotely dangerous? Or does caring mean giving them non-organic cookies and non-organic juice, letting them climb non-organic trees, and letting them stay up non-organically late? In my opinion, caring requires all of the above!
Caring is a balancing act that warrants balancing safety with fun, health with taste, short-term happiness with long term well-being, and quite often what mom wants to do with what dad wants to do. There is no recipe for caring.
My advice here to both moms and dads is that if you find that these decisions aren’t easy ones, you are doing a great job. Very simply, if a father takes the time and cares for his children, he is a good father.
They support their children.
In our world, even though many fathers are the family breadwinners, simply providing financial support does not a good father make. This leads to yet another inevitable struggle that fathers (and mothers) face in the journey of parenthood: spending time at work and spending time with one’s children are almost always mutually exclusive. This struggle goes hand in hand with caring. To be a good father, the “tug of war” between work and children must have no winner.
A father must also support his children in: sports, academics, beliefs, interests, choice of friends, choice of significant others, choice of music, and anything else. As a father of young children, though I currently struggle most with my daughter’s choice of music, my son’s obsession with throwing everything, and my daughter’s love of Umizoomi, I can only quote Game of Thrones and say that I know “Winter is Coming” and supporting my children in the future is impending doom.
A good father supports his children in every way possible, unless truly “caring” prohibits the same. Another way to get a good score on the good father litmus test.
They are fun.
Let’s face it, moms are also often parenting their children’s father on many levels as well.
Though my wife is certainly fun in her own right, she is certainly far more responsible when it comes to issues where speed, gravity, sugar, rules, or routine is concerned.
Even if my wife approves something inherently dangerous, I am often unanimously appointed to spearhead any such adventure. And that’s the way it should be (because she knows where all the hospitals are). Are you going to test out this good father litmus test?